In my dreams...

• I am accompanying my sister Jen to the American Idol auditions, which is being held at an extraordinarily large auditorium. Contestant hopefuls receive free swag in the form of a bright red messenger bag. As we wait for the auditions to start, I become very jealous that Jen is auditioning (and will most likely make it in, because she has an incredible voice) and I am not. At the last minute I decide to try out, too. My song of choice? Stay, by Lisa Loeb. (This song is significant only because it is my go-to Variety/Talent Show song. Seriously, I've sung it on 4 different occasions, starting way back in 2001 for a high school Variety Show, and most recently in 2009 for a Church Talent Show. Lot of mileage out of that one song.)

• I arrive at my Monday morning class on campus, only to realize that it is a "B" day, not an "A" day. I frantically run from room to room, trying to find the right class, while at the same time trying to figure out how much work I have missed and how I am going to apologize to my professors. (The irony, of course, is that there are no "A" or "B" days in college. That was high school. So maybe it was more like a nightmare...)

Do dreams come true?

Does anyone believe that dreams really do come true? And I'm referring to our nighttime dreams, not those metaphysical dreams that are wishes our heart makes.* I'm really curious, though, to know if anyone believes that dreams have some base in the present reality, or rather in some future possible reality.

This was my dream from this morning, in that space between sleeping and waking when I hit the snooze button for a good hour before I finally drag myself out of bed:

I was in some type of sorority/fraternity house, except it wasn't a sorority or a fraternity. Lots of people all around and there was a man giving a pep talk about something, I assume it was important. I wasn't there to listen to the speech, though; I was there under the pretense of helping a friend complete some sort of ritual that would help her as she returned to Korea to meet her betrothed (I'm not making this up, I promise). The friend in question was a combination of a friend from one of my classes here in Austin and a girl that I knew from Ohio, I believe we were in the same Brownies Troop. Anyways. Like I said I was there under the pretense of helping my friend. My real goal was to catch the eye of a Certain Someone, but the whole time we were there performing her ritual, listening to the man give his pep talk, I couldn't find Certain Someone. I was very upset. We finally decide it's time to leave and as we are walking out of the sorority/fraternity house that wasn't a sorority or a fraternity, I see another friend from Ohio (haven't seen her in real life in over ten years). We chat a little and talk about what we have been doing with our lives. She thought I had transferred to a prep school. Umm, no. Now we are really getting ready to leave and who steps out of the shadows of the front door and into a soft puddle of light on the porch? Certain Someone! He calls my name and I turn around to face him. Very nervous but also really excited. He proceeds to say very beautiful things to me..... AND THEN THE ALARM WENT OFF.

The alarm ruining my dream was inevitable. What I found most interesting, however, was that Certain Someone was saying things that were actually in the context of real life. Like, if Certain Someone said these words to me tomorrow, they would make total sense. Which begs the question: Do dreams come true? Are they a taste of things to come, or simply figments of our imaginations? Portents of a possible future, or products of an exhausted mind randomly piecing together images and memories to form outlandish story lines? Signs of what we can expect to happen, or shadows of what we desire to happen?

A dream may be a wish our heart makes, but I wonder if there's something more to it than simply wishing and hoping...

(*a cookie for anyone who can name the reference)

Make it stop...

For the past week, I have been having the most vivid, detailed, and at times disturbing, dreams. And they always seem to occur in the hours when my alarm first goes off and I hit the snooze button, only to fall back asleep. And because these dreams are so vivid, detailed, and at times disturbing, I can't seem to get myself out of bed. It's almost as if I am paralyzed by my confusion, trying to figure out why in the world I am dreaming the particular dreams I am dreaming. Just a sample of my morning madness:

• I'm spending an evening talking and laughing with a platonic guy friend and the infatuation who doesn't even know I'm alive... transition into a parking garage and I can't find either of them because there are so many cars and people surrounding me, causing me to become very upset, desperate and frantic.
• I have gotten back together with my high school "boyfriend" (he turned out to be a real winner), and we are acting all couple-y at the movies, but then an individual who I will call Mr. Awkward comes and sits next to me and then puts his hand across my lap and won't let me get up. I start screaming because I can't move but no one pays any attention to me.
• It's my wedding day... and I am wearing a hideous white flowered monstrosity with a red satin belt, and the groom's name is Nathan. Friends and family are all standing around outside the temple (?). Our reception is held at Wal-Mart, right in the middle of the cosmetics and face wash aisles.
• I've just returned to my high school in Ohio and no one remembers me. I walk up and down the halls, reminiscing about my time there. I'm outside in the parking lot where a group of stupid boys are basically playing Slip-n-Slide on the frozen concrete. I yell at them. An old friend, Mike, finally recognizes me.

Can you see, now, why I can't get out of bed in the morning? I'm almost scared to go to sleep at night because I don't know what I'm going to see once I close my eyes. I don't know what any of it means, and frankly I don't really care at this point. I just want it to stop.

What the.....?

So, this morning as I was about to dry my hair, I picked up my hairbrush and had my first real moment of déjà vu. I suddenly remembered that I had a dream last night that I was eating......my hairbrush. Seriously. I was eating my hairbrush in my dream.

What is up with that? What is that supposed to mean?

Weird. And random. But mostly weird.