always a difficult day

september 11 is always a difficult day for me.  all of my emotions seem to rise straight to the top, just waiting to brim over in the form of rather unattractive bouts of crying.  and today was no exception.

on the drive to school, i thought of the sobering events of that tuesday morning.  unexpectedly, i was also overcome by the pain of missing Z.  it's been quite a few months since i've felt that pain, but this morning it returned with a vengeance.  a tender mercy, though: just as the pain was starting to become too much, i whispered a sincere prayer to heaven to please, help me get through this day.  not a minute later, my phone rang.  a dear friend had called, saying that she thought today would be hard for me and wanted to make sure i was okay.  by the end of our quick conversation, the tears and pain were gone, replaced by laughter and a smile.

throughout the day, i shared with each of my classes my memories of that day, of the surreal experience of watching live as the towers crumbled and collapsed.  i spoke to them about the true bravery and heroism displayed by the first responders and rescue workers, of the passengers on flight 93.  i encouraged them to go home and spend a little time learning about what happened, of the timeline of events.  most of my students are too young to remember, and i told them that my hope and prayer is that their generation never has to witness what we who are old enough to remember witnessed that day.

so yes, i cried quite a bit today.  i always do, and i think i always will.  and i'm okay with that, because to me it means that i still remember.

and i don't ever want to forget.