Stay Strong

I remember having a conversation with my older sister many years ago about our greatest fears in life.  One of her greatest fears was that she would reach a point where she was so strong in her faith and her testimony of the gospel, that Heavenly Father would send her a big trial.  My greatest fear was just the opposite: that Heavenly Father would send me a big trial and my faith and my testimony of the gospel would not be strong enough.

The past two months have been a big trial.  I have never felt so lost and weak and broken.  I have never felt so much pain and sorrow.  I have never cried so many tears.  I have never had so many questions. I have never been so angry.  I have never hurt so much.  I have never felt so alone.

I've come to the important realization, though, that I don't have to be alone.  I don't have to overcome this trial by myself.  I don't have to be strong enough, because the Savior is strong enough for both of us.  His strength is enough to overcome any trial, and as long as I continue to have faith and trust in Him and in the Plan of Salvation, this, too, shall pass.

I was in the car on Saturday, listening to a song that reminds me of happy times with my sisters.  As I was reminiscing, smiling and singing along, a very strong feeling came over me.  I could almost picture Heavenly Father's face and hear His voice as He calmly whispered to me, "It's going to be okay.  You are going to be okay."

A few years ago my mother gave me a necklace for my birthday: a simple silver ring on a chain that had been engraved with the words "stay strong." These words hold many personal meanings for me, and I probably wear this necklace more than any other.  Without realizing it, I usually end up clutching the ring in my fist, running a finger over the engraved reminder.

I still hurt.  I still miss Z terribly.  I still have so many questions.  I still feel alone sometimes.  But I know that it will be okay.  I know that if I stay strong, if I continue to trust in the Lord and have faith in His plan, everything will be okay.