Sunday, March 4
The past two months have been a big trial. I have never felt so lost and weak and broken. I have never felt so much pain and sorrow. I have never cried so many tears. I have never had so many questions. I have never been so angry. I have never hurt so much. I have never felt so alone.
I've come to the important realization, though, that I don't have to be alone. I don't have to overcome this trial by myself. I don't have to be strong enough, because the Savior is strong enough for both of us. His strength is enough to overcome any trial, and as long as I continue to have faith and trust in Him and in the Plan of Salvation, this, too, shall pass.
I was in the car on Saturday, listening to a song that reminds me of happy times with my sisters. As I was reminiscing, smiling and singing along, a very strong feeling came over me. I could almost picture Heavenly Father's face and hear His voice as He calmly whispered to me, "It's going to be okay. You are going to be okay."
A few years ago my mother gave me a necklace for my birthday: a simple silver ring on a chain that had been engraved with the words "stay strong." These words hold many personal meanings for me, and I probably wear this necklace more than any other. Without realizing it, I usually end up clutching the ring in my fist, running a finger over the engraved reminder.
I still hurt. I still miss Z terribly. I still have so many questions. I still feel alone sometimes. But I know that it will be okay. I know that if I stay strong, if I continue to trust in the Lord and have faith in His plan, everything will be okay.