Monday, October 17

i mildly dislike whales.

the events of the past few days have made me incredibly happy.  and because of them i mildly dislike whales.

my weekend was fantastic.  spent time with a new friend and some not-so-new friends.  went to a concert that rocked my world.  but more on my awesome weekend with friends and the best live show i've ever had the privilege of attending later.  back to the whales.

right after 2nd period today, i checked my phone for new messages.  i opened an email from the texas education agency informing me that my score report for the lote-spanish certification exam was available to view online.  thankfully 3rd period is my conference, so there were no students in the room, because i started shaking (an "inner tremble," if you will).  i debated for a minute about whether to check my score right then, during the school day, or wait until after everyone had left the building.  i knew that if i opened that pdf document only to see a failing score, i would be useless the rest of the day.  i finally cowgirl'ed up and opened the report.  a passing score had to be 240 or above out of 300.

i scored a 259.

i have never before in my life felt such strong emotions of relief, contentment and gratitude.  i immediately jumped up from behind my desk, crossed the hallway, stuck my head into the classroom of my fellow teacher and, interrupting her instruction to the class, proudly and quickly announced, "i passed!"  i raced back to my desk and called home.  in my short conversation with mother, we laughed at how completely and totally miserable that day had made me.  in the history of bad days in my life, that day ranks right up there with the day my truck was stolen (and we all know how that ended).  but the combination of the events of that morning (being literally trapped in my driveway) and then sitting for 4 hours taking that ridiculous and worthless exam - i have never been so angry.  i don't think of myself as an angry person, nor do i particularly like being angry, but i was angry that day.  angry at everything in my life.  so angry that i was questioning a lot of things that i know, deep in my heart, to be true.  not my finest moment.  but now, as it turns out, there was nothing to be angry about (although, i would contend that being trapped in one's driveway deserves at least an hour or two of pure anger).

after a quick conversation with mother, i texted father and a few close friends, so excited to share my happy news.  i was not a failure.  i had not disappointed or betrayed the trust of my principal who had hired me on the understanding that i could pass the certification exam for spanish.  but more importantly, i would not have to sit through another 4 hours of pure misery.

i finally put my phone down and let the emotions kind of settle in my heart.  i was still shaking a little (mostly due to the fact that i really hadn't eaten anything yet.  oh, did i not tell you?  i apparently don't eat anymore.  down almost 10 lbs. since the start of the school year.), and i needed to process.  it was then that i realized that i had forgotten someone even more important than mom, dad and close friends.  i bowed my head and offered a sincere prayer of gratitude to my heavenly father.  i always seem to make a mess of my life, and he always seems to know exactly how to clean it up.  i am in constant awe of the blessings that i have been given, almost all of which are undeserved.  i also felt the need to apologize for how angry i had been that day, because all of my anger at the stupid gate and the worthless exam had eventually turned inward, and then upward.  again, not my finest moment.  i am grateful for experiences such as this that help me grow in both my faith and trust in the lord.

i don't think i will ever be able to fully disassociate whales with such a traumatic day in my life, but i can safely say that i no longer hate them.  mildly dislike, yes, but no more hate.

seriously.  whales.

1 comment:

  1. I love it! Please continue to write and post. You're a talented blogger/writer!