6 Months of Baby J

A few days late, but my Baby J is 6 months old.  Seriously.  He just keeps on getting cuter and cuter.

Nothing could have prepared me for motherhood.  Sure, it's hard and sometimes it's lonely, but it is the best feeling in the world (and that is not hyperbole).  Especially in the last couple of months, I know he knows me.  He knows that I am his mommy.  He turns at the sound of my voice and smiles when he sees my face.  He holds my fingers and puts his fingers in my mouth.  He grabs my nose and pulls my hair.  He puts his arms around my neck and falls asleep on my shoulder And best of all, he loves me for me.

He is growing more curious and independent every day.  He smiles and laughs at everything.  He is a happy and healthy baby boy, and I could not be more grateful to my husband and my Heavenly Father for giving me this gift of motherhood.

Here are some of my favorite moments from the last half year...

 

Worth the Weight

A year ago today, I found out I was pregnant. I'm sure I felt the expected mixture of emotions: joy, fear, excitement, anxiety. But, because I needed time to process, and because we would be spending the Thanksgiving holiday in OK with M's family, I decided to wait to tell M until after the holiday. That's the feeling I remember most of all - having this HUGE secret on the tip of my tongue for a week and not saying anything to anyone about it.  When I finally told M that we were having a baby, the weight of what we were embarking upon fell fast and heavy on my heart.

Baby J is now almost 4 months old. When he was only a few a weeks old, maybe one month, I realized that I had conditioned him to only fall asleep when I was holding him in my arms, on top of my chest, laying right over my heart.  All these weeks later, the only thing that has changed is how heavy he feels when I am holding him. Unfortunately, his heavier little body has wreaked havoc on my left side, all the way from my neck and shoulder, down to my elbow and wrist.  But it's totally worth it.

He was worth the wait of a few months for us to get pregnant.  I recognize now how blessed we were to be able to start having children right away.  The impatience that I felt then seems silly now.  No matter how long the wait, though, the blessing is always worth it.

He was worth the emotional weight I felt while I was pregnant.  I spent many days and nights worrying about finances and security and being a good mother.  The truth, of course, was that I was scared out of my mind to have a baby.  But all of the tears and fears were worth it when he was finally here.

He was worth the physical weight I gained while I was pregnant.  The swelling and water retention were out of control, but thankfully I was still able to move my body and be productive.  He was healthy, I was healthy, so it was all worth it.  (I'm not gonna lie - I am struggling to lose that weight, and most days I hardly recognize myself.  But, again, he's worth it.  The pounds will come and go, but he is forever.)

He is worth the weight I feel now, every day and every night.   I would not trade his tired little body on my shoulder every night for anything.  I would not trade the love I feel bursting out of my heart when I see his little smile, hear his little laugh.  I would not trade the sleepless nights, the stressful days, the frustrating moments.  He is worth everything because he is my everything.

Baby J

You are so cute, I could just eat you!

I've never liked this comment from well-meaning individuals in reference to babies and small children.  It just seems like a weird thing to say.

But I totally understand it now.  Whenever I look at Jackson, I almost can't stand it.  He. Is. So. Cute.  At two months old, his little personality is coming out.  He found his smile and is starting to find his laugh.  He is trying out new sounds everyday, and I can't wait for the day when he will start telling me what's on his mind.  He is almost able to support his head on his own, and just recently started testing out his leg strength to support his body.  He loves his bottle and hates wet/dirty diapers.  I think he is starting to enjoy bath time more - kicking the water is a new thing as of a couple of nights ago.  He has beautiful blue eyes and long lashes, just like his daddy.  He's starting to chunk up in his legs, cheeks and tummy.  Yes, he is going slightly bald and his hair in general is out of control, but somehow that just makes him even cuter.  It's still a gamble whether or not he will sleep through the night, but we're hoping he figures it out soon.

Mitchell and I are just in awe of how much we love this little boy.  I sometimes can't even believe that he is ours.

For forever and ever, he is ours and we are his.

My beautiful Baby J.  I love him so much, I could just eat him.

(Jonathan Swift would be so proud.)

Seriously, though.  So cute.  I can't stand it.