i really miss sleeping on my stomach

oh, baby.  we went to the doctor yesterday with the hope we would finally know what to call you, but no joy.  already an obstinate child, you refused to move your legs so the doctor could get a good look.  she gave us a very tentative "GIRL," but there were about ten question marks behind that word.  so, we are forced to wait another four weeks to know for sure.

other than your extreme shyness, everything was healthy and normal.

people ask me how i'm doing, and so far i've been doing great.  i had one short bout of "sickness," but nothing horrible.  i'm tired, of course, but then again i'm always tired during the school year.  my students have seen me in the same black skirt and black dress for the past couple of months, because those are the only two articles of clothing that actually fit me right now.  i'm considering submitting a request to my principal to allow me to wear yoga pants for the rest of the year, but i have a feeling that request would be denied.  sleeping is becoming a bit of a challenge.  between getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and my limited sleeping position options (i really do miss sleeping on my stomach), mornings are not my favorite part of the day.  i'm loving the food benefits of being pregnant, though.  i simply have to say, "baby really wants pizza tonight" and poof! we eat pizza for dinner!

overall, though, the past 19 weeks have been a bit of a blur.  obviously, i know you are real and will be here before we know it, but it still doesn't feel REAL.  with all the other "stuff" we have going on in our lives right now (work stresses, money challenges, house chores, church responsibilities, personal improvements), i haven't had time to really stop and think about how i feel about you.  of course, i'm excited and happy… but i'm also scared and worried and exhausted.  i think part of it is that we still don't know who you will be (so move your legs, please!), but there's something else i don't how to explain.

you're real, but still not REAL.  i don't know when that will happen, but when it does, i'll only love you more.