Tuesday, March 13

passenger on a train.

i apologize in advance for the pedestrian metaphor, but seeing as how i spent almost 5 hours on a train today (photos to follow), i had a lot of time to think, and it seems my surroundings influenced my thought process.

before the morning of january 8, i thought my life was on the right track.

sure, i have taken a couple of detours, realized i was on the wrong line a few times, had to get off and ask for directions, spent time waiting at the station... but at the beginning of this year i finally felt that i was on the right track, headed in the right direction.  my train was finally running on time and i was looking forward to enjoying the ride, excited to see where it would lead me.

but then my train completely derailed, jumped right off the track.  a head-on collision.  for a long time all i could do was just sit and stare at the wreckage, unable to comprehend how it happened or even contemplate trying to get on another train.

sometime in the past few weeks i begrudgingly boarded a new train; i have no idea if it's the right one, i just knew i had to get on one.  but i feel like the train i chose is running slow (or maybe fast?), bound for a destination unknown.  the landscape is unfamiliar and it's making me uncomfortable.  i liked my other train - the route, the speed, the scenery, the other passengers. i don't know how long i would have stayed on it, and what makes the derailment even more painful is the fact that now i'll never know.

i don't know where my current train is headed.  i don't know when i'll arrive at my destination.  i expect that there will be more detours, more stopping for directions, more waiting at the station.

i also expect that one day i will feel like my life is back on the right track.

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