Sunday, January 22

making it up as i go

so i thought i was dealing with my grief pretty well.  i thought i knew what i needed to do in order to feel better, in order to make sense of everything that has happened - not only in the past two weeks, but in the past seven months of my life.

now i know that i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing.  i have no idea how to deal with the emotions and thoughts that continue to flood my heart and mind, leaving me struggling to stay afloat.  i have no idea how to make any of this better.  and i'm a person who needs to make things better, to fix things.  i'm usually pretty good at fixing things when it comes to other people's problems.  but now that i have this very unexpected and painful problem - grieving the tragic death of a loved one - that is mine and that i don't know how to fix, i'm feeling very lost and helpless, drowning in a sea of sorrow and heartache.

so i'm making things up as i go.  my initial thought is to consume as many peanut m&ms as humanly possible, then see how things go from there...

1 comment:

  1. Gosh, I'm sorry, Katie. :( Honestly, though, I think the only thing that helps during painful times is the passing of time. You'll hurt for a while for a long time, and then one day, you'll realize it's not as bad as it used to be.

    I know that isn't the most helpful comment, but I guess what I'm trying to say is -- don't be too hard on yourself for feeling pain for a while, you know?

    Love and hugs,