Saturday, September 10

pressure...

once again, it's saturday. once again, i'm tired beyond belief. only this time, my tiredness is coupled with an achy body, a soar throat, a stuffed-up nose and a massive headache. ugh. i usually pride myself on never getting sick. looks like my winning streak is at an end.

this was an interesting week. i'm starting to fall into a nice rhythm with the kids and i think we are starting to have fun, and maybe even learn some things along the way. almost all of my classes are done with the first unit of study, which means we get to move on to something new this coming week. hallelujah. i think my seniors were going to stage a mutiny if we didn't finish with renaissance and enlightenment poetry soon. i'm also finally getting a handle on the speed and pacing of my lessons. we have 50-minute classes, and as much as i want to steamroll our way through the material, the students need more time to process and apply the information. there are still days when i feel like i'm in a blasting zone (bomb! bomb! bomb!), but it's getting better. they are great kids - some more motivated than others - but i've learned that as a teacher you can't take anything personal. some of these students come from rough, rough, rough personal backgrounds, so the fact that they are even there in class is a small miracle.

what made this week so interesting, though, is that i had my first official breakdown. not during school or in front of the kids, but after school in the evening when the full weight of my responsibility as a teacher finally hit me with the force of a bullet train. it wasn't pretty. but then, a very clear message of inspiration and hope:

"And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.

And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage." (The Book of Mormon, Mosiah: 24:12-16)


it was a tender mercy from the lord, reminding me that help will come from heaven as i deal with the pressures of my responsibilities as a teacher.

and now, i must go deal with the pressure in my head by consuming as many drugs as recommended.

happy weekend.

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