I am writing this post with tears in my eyes.
I just found out that a dear friend from high school was in a severe car accident with her husband last week. She was seven months pregnant, and sadly their little baby didn't make it. My heart aches for their loss and sorrow.
Life is so precious. It is so fragile. It can change so fast. It can pass us by so quickly that we don't even know where we are or how we ended up there. I think we get so caught up in the little things that we don't realize that it's the big things that count. God. Family. Friends. Joy. Knowledge.
I spend so much time doing nothing. I spend so much time thinking of all the things I don't have. I spend so much time waiting for someone else to make something happen. I spend so much time telling myself that tomorrow it will be better.
But really, who knows if there is going to be a tomorrow?
So, what am I going to do about today?
What am I going to do differently today in order to improve my relationship with my Heavenly Father? With my family? With my friends? What am I going to change today in order to have more joy in my life? To gain more knowledge?
My heart is truly breaking for my friend, and I grieve for her loss. But I know that the Lord is watching over her and her family.
I also know that life cannot be lived while waiting for it to happen. We cannot sit and do nothing and then expect something in return. Sorrows come into our lives, yes. We have trials and face temptations, yes. But sorrows and trials and temptations do not have to be our lives. They are just a part of our lives.
I can no longer let the trivial and inconsequential rule my life. I can no longer do the same thing day in and day out and expect different results. I can no longer wait for joy to find me. I have to find joy - or maybe even make it from scratch - myself.
Death is a tragedy that touches everyone. But so is a life that is not lived to its fullest.
With all of my grand intentions and new convictions, though, I know I am not perfect. I will most likely sleep through my alarm tomorrow morning, skip the exercising, leave the bed unmade, and run out the door to my first appointment, leaving behind a trail of dirty dishes and scattered papers. Rome was not built in a day, and Katie does not change her now ritualistic bad habits in a day.
My hope, then, is that each day I will be able to make small changes and improvements, focusing on God, Family, Friends, Joy and Knowledge.
I want to be better. I want to discover new gospel truths. I want to spend time with friends and family. I want to serve others. I want to find joy in what I do. I want to learn new things.
I want to live my life.