(some sort of crazy)

POW: "Black Ops Operator"

2012-02-01T19:09:00.000-06:00

It's been a while since I've posted a Playlist of the Week. I made this one three weeks ago, but I've been hesitant to share it because the song selection is near and dear to my heart. Each of these songs is either attached to a specific memory of Z, reminds me of him, or has helped me deal with his passing.

I've been listening to this playlist on repeat since I first created it, which was only a few days after it happened. I realized just yesterday, though, that I'm not singing anymore. And history has taught me that when I'm not singing, it means that something is wrong. After making a POW, I usually spend a good solid week memorizing the entire playlist, singing at the top of my lungs at home, in the car, at school. But I have't been singing this playlist. I've just been letting the music, the words, the memories, the emotions wash over me.

I hope I start singing again soon. I miss singing. But I miss Z more.

Listen and love.

I'm Shipping Up to Boston, Dropkick Murphys
Everything's an Illusion, Mayday Parade
About Today, The National (from the album Cherry Tree)
We Found Love, Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris
Untitled, Less Than Three
Sail, AWOLNATION
Poison & Wine, The Civil Wars
Believe, SafetySuit
Oh Darling, Plug In Stereo feat. Cady Groves
Take This to Heart, Mayday Parade
Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol
Change Your Mind, The All-American Rejects
Disaster Hearts, I Fight Dragons
What I've Done, Linkin Park
Winter Song, Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson
Just a Kiss, Lady Antebellum
About Today, The National (from the Warrior soundtrack)
To Whom It May Concern, The Civil Wars

on second thought...

2012-01-30T20:19:00.000-06:00

so in dealing with my grief (it's supposed to get better, right?), my initial thought was to consume as many peanut m&ms as humanly possible, then see how things went from there. which is exactly what i did last week. a dear friend supplied me with multiple bags of the chocolate-covered peanut ammunition and i fully admit that i ate almost an entire bag in one late-night sitting.

well, all that got me by the end of the week was a tummy full of peanut m&ms. i derived some comfort from my favorite candy (how could i not? they're delicious.), but not enough to affect any permanent change in my emotional stability.

so i tried something new tonight. i went running. and it was marvelous.

there's something about running, especially running in the dark, that renews and refreshes the spirit. there's something about focusing on putting one foot in front of the other that helps put things into perspective. there's something about physically exerting yourself that reminds you that you are alive. there's something about losing yourself in the beat of the music and the rhythm of your footfalls that helps you make sense of the world. there's something about pushing yourself up that hill that gives you hope that you will feel something again, someday.

i like this new thought. i think i'll give it a try for a while, then see how things go from there...

"his real desire was...just 'to be himself' again"

2012-01-29T17:37:00.001-06:00

heavenly father knows me so well.

i found comfort and understanding in the most unlikely of places last night. way back in august, i ordered a book that proves just how big of a geek i am: the letters of jrr tolkien - a compilation of personal letters from tolkien to his wife, children, friends, editors, publishers and fans. in many of these letters, he describes in great detail the mythology of the lord of the rings, as well as his own thoughts behind his characters and stories. when the book first arrived, i excitedly read the first few letters, then added it to the stack of books on my nightstand, to be finished at a later date and time (refer to image, top right).

the stack has only grown since august (refer to image, bottom right) and i didn't pick up this particular book again until last night. i flipped through the pages, reading letters at random, fascinated by the words of this incredible man. i've read biographies about tolkien, but to read his own words is much more personal. i finally came across a letter that tolkien had written in "reply to a reader's comments on frodo's failure to surrender the ring in the cracks of doom" (pg. 325). tolkien's response to this reader - his explanation of why frodo was not a failure - spoke directly to my own questions about why this tragic accident happened and why Z was called back to his heavenly home at this time. this will probably not make sense to anyone else (especially if you have no idea who frodo is (which, if that is the case, my literary soul weeps for you)), but for me it was a moment of pure revelation and understanding (and i do not use the word "revelation" lightly or in mockery of sacred things; rather, i say it with the utmost respect and reverence, recognizing that all enlightenment comes from the spirit).

from tolkien's letter, dated september 1963 (pg. 326 - 329):

Frodo indeed 'failed' as a hero, as conceived by simple minds: he did not endure to the end; he gave in, ratted. I do not say 'simple minds' with contempt: they often see with clarity the simple truth and the absolute ideal to which effort must be directed, even if it is unattainable. Their weakness, however, is twofold. They do not perceive the complexity of any given situation in Time, in which an absolute ideal is enmeshed. They tend to forget that strange element in the World that we call Pity or Mercy, which is also an absolute requirement in moral judgement (since it is present in the Divine nature). In its highest exercise it belongs to God. For finite judges of imperfect knowledge it must lead to the use of two different scales of 'morality'. To ourselves we must present the absolute ideal without compromise, for we do not know our own limits of natural strength (+grace), and if we do not aim at the highest we shall certainly fall short of the utmost that we could achieve. To others, in any case of which we know enough to make a judgment, we must apply a scale tempered by 'mercy': that is, since we can with good will do this without the bias inevitable in judgment of ourselves, we must estimate the limits of another's strength and weigh this against the force of particular circumstances.

I do not think that Frodo's was a moral failure...

Frodo undertook his quest out of love - to save the world he knew from disaster at his own expense, if he could; and also in complete humility, acknowledging that he was wholly inadequate to the task. His real contract was only to do what he could, to try to find a way and to go as far on the road as his strength of mind and body allowed. He did that. I do not myself see that the breaking of his mind and will under demonic pressure after torment was any more a moral failure than the breaking of his body would have been...

I think it is clear on reflection to an attentive reader that when his dark times came upon him and he was conscious of being 'wounded by knife sting and tooth and a long burden' (III 268) it was not only nightmare memories of past horrors that afflicted him, but also unreasoning self-reproach: he saw himself and all that he done as a broken failure. 'Though I may come to the Shire, it will not seem the same, for I shall not be the same.' That was actually a temptation out of the Dark, a last flicker of pride: desire to have returned as a 'hero', not content with being a mere instrument of good...

'Alas! there are some wounds that cannot be wholly cured', said Gandalf (III 268) - not in Middle-earth. Frodo was sent or allowed to pass over Sea to heal him... So he went both to a purgatory and to a reward, for a while: a period of reflection and peace and a gaining of a truer understanding of his position in littleness and in greatness, spent still in Time amid the natural beauty of 'Arda Unmarred', the Earth unspoiled by evil.

...His real desire was hobbitlike (and humanlike) just 'to be himself' again and get back to the old familiar life that had been interrupted. Already on the journey back from Rivendell he suddenly saw that was not for him possible. Hence his cry 'Where shall I find rest?' He knew the answer, and Gandalf did not reply.

new year's eve was one of the last night's that Z and i spent time together. we had each celebrated midnight with other friends, but met up later that night (or morning, rather) to join with the remaining time zones in ringing in the new year. i can't even remember what we were talking and laughing about, but i do remember just looking at him and seeing how truly happy and excited about life he was and saying to him, "i've missed you." he replied, "i've missed me, too." i didn't quite understand what he meant at the time, but i do now. the effects of war, PTSD and medications; the effects of trials, challenges and struggles that no one person should ever have to deal with had taken their toll on him. he had been broken physically and mentally, as well as emotionally and spiritually. he was in so much pain, pain that i didn't see or couldn't have even comprehended. he had been wounded beyond my - or anyone's - ability to heal him. he just wanted to be himself again, but "the force of particular circumstances" was too much for him to overcome. so Z was "sent [home] or allowed to pass" in order to be healed and find peace for his mind, body and spirit.

some readers of this post might think that i am absolutely crazy for drawing parallels between frodo's journey in middle-earth and Z's journey in mortality, but it's important to know two things before you make a final judgment on my level of sanity. first, i love, love, love tolkien. i love the hobbit and the lord of the rings, and i love middle-earth (it's my happy place) consequently, Z was also a big fan of the lord of the rings. second, i have been praying with all the energy of my heart for some sort of understanding as to why this has happened. tolkien's book of letters has been sitting by my bed for almost six months, and i know picking it up last night and thumbing through its pages was not a coincidence. so, call me crazy if you want, but i choose to believe that this was a direct answer to honest and earnest prayer. not what i expected, of course, but i'll gladly and humbly accept it.

"The object of love is the best and most beautiful."

2012-01-28T10:49:00.000-06:00

A friend posted this on her blog and it's been on my mind for a couple of days now. I think it's lovely.

JOHN E. STEINBECK

A Letter to His Son, New York, 10 November 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- the main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

kindness of friends

2012-01-26T22:04:00.001-06:00

have you ever observed a child become so overwhelmed with one emotion and, without understanding what he is feeling or how to deal with it, he bursts into tears and just cries and cries and cries?

well, this has been me for the past two weeks. i just can't seem to stop crying. there is so much going on inside my head and heart that i don't understand and don't know how to deal with, so i just cry and cry and cry. i think i'm getting dehydrated.

tonight unexpected emotions caused the waterworks. a family at church has been very, very kind to me over the past few months - mainly in the form of delicious home-cooked meals, but more precious to me than food is their amazing example of Christ-like love and service. in the days immediately following Z's death, their home became a safe-haven for me. with so many memories and reminders of him at my house, i didn't want to be at home. so, i spent as much time as possible out of the house - which turned into spending the next several days and evenings at the home of this incredible family.

an invitation to come over for dinner tonight came via text as i sat physically and emotionally exhausted at my desk at school. i arrived earlier than agreed upon in order to help family members prepare the food and to feel like i was earning my spot at the table. dinner was fabulous, as usual. the conversation was comfortable and relaxing. i helped clear away plates and put away left-overs, thanked my lovely hosts and started down the front walk to my car. i hadn't even pulled away from the curb when that now all-too familiar feeling spread across my chest, accompanied by a tightening in the throat, a stinging in the eyes. and then the dam broke and the flood waters poured forth. cried and cried and cried. in addition to the constant feelings of sadness and pain were intense feelings of gratitude and humility.

as has been stated in previous posts, i am a fiercely independent person. it is extremely hard for me to admit when i'm struggling, so asking for and accepting help is not one of my strengths. but in the past two weeks, i have never felt so weak. and in my weakness, i have discovered new depths of humility. i have gained a new understanding of charity as the pure love of Christ.

i am grateful for the kindness of friends - all of them - who emulate the love of the Savior in their actions and words, those who "succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees" (doctrine and covenants 81:5). my heart (and stomach) is full. thank you.

full circle.

2012-01-24T22:21:00.000-06:00

back in october, i was working with my english 4 students on their senior research papers. the assignment was to research a career that they were interested in pursuing after high school. as part of their paper, they were required to interview a person with extensive experience in their chosen field. as i talked with various students about the topic of their paper, i was able to give some of them contact information of professionals in the career they were researching. one student, however, was convinced that he would not be able to find anyone to talk to about the career he wanted to pursue.

"well, what do you want to do after high school?"

"i want to go into the marines and become a sniper. where am i going to find a marine sniper to talk to?"

"actually, i just happen to know a marine sniper..."

it seemed a little more than coincidence. on the day my student and i had the above exchange, Z was flying home to texas for a week of liberty before reporting to houston. at this point, Z and i had been getting to know one another through email, but had not officially met. i finally had the opportunity to do so when i joined him and his parents at the feedstore that night. i felt a little silly asking him for a favor when we had only just met, but i ignored the awkwardness and asked him if he wouldn't mind talking to my student about his experiences as a marine sniper. Z graciously agreed.

the next day i gave my student Z's number. later that week, Z told me he spoke with my student and that they had had an honest conversation about life as a marine sniper. i was always so grateful that Z was so willing to help me help my student with his research paper. this particular student graduated with my november seniors.

this afternoon, as i was packing up to leave for the day, this same student popped into my classroom for an unexpected visit. seeing him made me really happy. we talked about what he's been doing since graduation and his plans for the future. when i asked him if he still wanted to go into the marines, he replied with an enthusiastic "yes, ma'am."

i always associated this student with the first time Z and i met, and as we talked this afternoon i had the prompting that i needed to tell him what happened; or rather, that he needed to know what happened. i knew it wasn't going to come out very well, but i took a deep breath and asked my former student if he remembered my friend Z, the one he had talked to about being a marine sniper. i apologized for crying and then proceeded to tell him that this friend of mine passed away two weeks ago. i explained the circumstances in which he died, again apologizing for my tears. i then told him that the reason for me sharing this story was that i wanted him to know two things: first, i think a career in the military is one of the most honorable decisions he could ever make in his life. second, if he does decide to pursue a career in the marines, he will most likely experience trials and challenges that he can't even begin to comprehend - no matter what the challenges, though, he should always, always talk to someone about them. i told him that there are so many people in his life that love him, that want to be there for him, so if he ever finds himself struggling, he should always, always ask for help.

i apologized, for a third time, for my embarrassing display of emotion, and after a hug and comforting words, my former student left.

i sat down at my desk and felt an odd combination of sorrow and comfort. sorrow that Z is no longer here. comfort that maybe, just maybe, his story can save another from the same fate.

my experience this afternoon brought a lot of emotions and thoughts full circle. i know i still have a long ways to go, but it was a start.

making it up as i go

2012-01-22T19:01:00.000-06:00

so i thought i was dealing with my grief pretty well. i thought i knew what i needed to do in order to feel better, in order to make sense of everything that has happened - not only in the past two weeks, but in the past seven months of my life.

now i know that i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing. i have no idea how to deal with the emotions and thoughts that continue to flood my heart and mind, leaving me struggling to stay afloat. i have no idea how to make any of this better. and i'm a person who needs to make things better, to fix things. i'm usually pretty good at fixing things when it comes to other people's problems. but now that i have this very unexpected and painful problem - grieving the tragic death of a loved one - that is mine and that i don't know how to fix, i'm feeling very lost and helpless, drowning in a sea of sorrow and heartache.

so i'm making things up as i go. my initial thought is to consume as many peanut m&ms as humanly possible, then see how things go from there...

challenge accepted.

2012-01-21T11:53:00.001-06:00

last year, i did something insane called the ragnar relay: wasatch back. and by insane, i mean insanely awesome.

this year, i've agreed to participate in the insanity once more.

last year, my 3 legs of the relay race were hard, but not too terrible. runner #8 = 3.4 + 7.0 + 5.9 = 16.3 miles.

this year, i've apparently lost my mind. runner #6 = 6.9 + 8.1 + 3.1 = 18.1 miles.

the 6.9 mile leg? a "knee-jarring descent" into the ogden valley. categorized as "very hard."

the 8.1 mile leg? a "difficult uphill climb" into east canyon reservoir. also categorized as "very hard."

and i can only imagine that by the 3.1 mile leg, i'll be borderline catatonic.

last year, superstar runner brother chris was runner #6. i am not a superstar runner. yet.

in light of recent sad events in my life, i've realized that i need something to occupy my time, thoughts and feelings. i need a goal, a challenge.

ragnar relay: wasatch back 2012 is my new challenge. bring. it. on.

7 Lessons in Losing

2012-01-19T00:09:00.000-06:00

The past eleven days have been a painful and emotional blur. The only thing that has kept me somewhat grounded is being able to express my jumbled thoughts and feelings in complete sentences (ie: blogging). I've been writing this post in my head for the past few days and it's time for me to actually put it all together.

1. It's gonna hurt. So let it hurt. I know I have a very low tolerance for physical pain. In contrast, I always thought I had a high tolerance for emotional pain, seeing as how I've been through my fair share of disappointments and heartaches, but always seem to recover and move on. Nothing could have prepared me for the combined physical and emotional pain of losing a close friend. It hurt. A lot. It still hurts. There's been a constant dull ache in my chest and throat for the past week. The real hurt comes and goes in debilitating waves of sadness. I never knew the human body could produce so many tears. So, yes. It hurts. It's probably gonna hurt for a while. And I'm okay with that.

2. People want to help you. Let them. I am a fiercely independent person. I prefer to handle things on my own; so, consequently, asking for help is not easy for me. But dealing with the death of a loved one is not a time to be an island. I've had angels helping me at both home and school. I've probably never accepted so much help in my entire life. And I've never been so grateful.

3. Stay busy. I took two days off of work last week in order to help his family and process my own emotions. During the day I was with friends, running errands and doing things. It was only in the evenings, when I finally stopped moving, that I slowly unraveled and crumbled under the weight of sorrow and pain. Going back to work on Wednesday helped. Being with my kids kept my mind distracted from other thoughts. But when I was left alone during my conference period, there were no more distractions. Thankfully, another class full of frustrating (and distracting) teenagers was only 50 minutes away. I've kept myself busy and distracted for a while now. In the past couple of days I've slowed down a bit, which has not been good for my emotional stability. Time to find a meaningful project to dedicate myself to.

4. Find reasons to laugh and smile. One of the saving graces from last week was the ability to remember the good times, the fun times. The ability to laugh at the small things. Work provided many opportunities for grins and giggles. Dear friends and simple pleasures put a smile on my face. Of course it's a sad time. But that doesn't mean that you have to be sad all of the time. It's not what he would want. He would want his family and friends to smile and be happy.

5. Pain is not a contest. At one point last week I was telling myself that I shouldn't be hurting as much as I was, that there were other people from his life that were in even more pain - his mother and step-father, his sisters and brother, his many aunts and uncles and cousins, his friends that had known him for years, his Marine brothers. Then I realized that grief is not a competition. My pain is just as real as someone else's pain. And my pain is mine, personal. Comparing grief is a waste of energy and emotion, especially when that energy and emotion could be used to comfort one another.

6. The Plan of Salvation is everything. Without the Plan, life has no purpose and death has no meaning. Without the Plan, there is no reason to hope and have faith that we will see each other again after this life. Without the Plan, there is no reason to believe that we can live with our Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and our families for all eternity. Without the Plan, there is no comfort, no peace. With the Plan, there is everything - purpose, meaning, hope, faith, belief, comfort, peace. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the center of this Plan, which provides strength and support to all who are suffering. I have never been more sure of the truthfulness of this doctrine. As a dear friend reminded me, I will see Z again, "healed, whole, and blessed."

7. Not lost, but found. I've thought a lot lately about the phrases we use when someones dies: I lost a friend. I'm sorry for your loss. But did we really lose him? Is he really lost? I experienced a very clear moment last week of being taught Truth by the Spirit in answer to these questions. In our many conversations, Z would often comment that after 6-7 years of not living at home (due to his military service), he wasn't really sure where "home" was. The Spirit told me last week that Z finally found his way home. Not to an earthly home, but to his heavenly home, for "...the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body... are taken home to that God who gave them life" (Alma 40:11). I wish it weren't so far away, but Z found home. He was welcomed there by the open arms of those who love him. He is safe and happy and at peace. He is home.

finding the happy

2012-01-12T23:32:00.001-06:00

early release day at school.
getting a "pony" from my principal.
organizing students to sing the national anthem at a rangers game in may.
grades for report cards = done and done.
celine sing-a-longs with mom.
a trip to wal-mart.
depositing checks at the bank = mo' money!
20 questions with my lifesaver friend.
mayday parade in san antonio on valentine's day = so. dang. excited.
packing for a road trip.
making pumpkin chocolate chip cookies at 11pm with pretty girl.
eating the aforementioned pumpkin chocolate chip cookies = delish.

pain. comfort.

2012-01-11T22:20:00.000-06:00

the past four days have been a constant fluctuation between heart-breaking pain and warm, loving comfort.

pain for the life lost. comfort in the atonement.

pain for the tragic accident. comfort in understanding.

pain for his family. comfort in the plan of salvation.

pain for his friends. comfort in all of the good memories.

pain for what could have been. comfort in what was.

pain. comfort.

"for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things... but behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things." (2 nephi 2:11, 24)

Loss.

2012-01-09T01:10:00.001-06:00

You never realize how much something is going to hurt untilit actually happens to you.

I lost a friend this weekend. We had only known each other for the past seven months, but he was a dear friend. We started off emailing back and forth over the summer, and then finally met in October. Our time together was brief, but special. I would have liked us to become more than what we were, but I was also happyjust to have him in my life. Happy to see him. Happyto be near him. Happy to talk to him.

And we talked. A lot. I think our record was 5.5 hours. My own sister and I have only been able to talk for 3, maybe 4, hours before we completely run out of things to say to one another. This friend and I couldtalk forever - on the phone, at my house, at his house. In one cell phone billing cycle, we accrued 24 hours worth of minutes. On numerous occasions we were up till3, 4, 5 o’clock in the morning, just talking. I loved hearing about his stories, his dreams, hisgoals. I loved talking about ourexperiences, our feelings, our testimonies.

But when you lose someone, you start replaying everyconversation you ever had and asking yourself what if? You startquestioning why? You alternate between shock, despair,anger, sorrow, and then back to shock to start all over again.

This friend was a kind, generous and honorable young man. He loved his family more thananything. He felt a constant needto help, serve and protect others. He taught me so much about what is real and important in life. He was also a bit of a Peter Pan. We would often joke that he had a Peter PanComplex (always a little boy), while I had a Wendy Complex (always a mother). Peter and Wendy. I always liked that about ourrelationship.

What is especially hard right now are all of thereminders. He’s only been gone ashort while, but everything I see, smell, think or say reminds me of him. I’m hoping the constant remindersbecome less painful as time goes on. I’m hoping the ache I feel in my heart right now becomesbearable. I’m hoping his familyand friends are comforted by the doctrines of the atonement and theresurrection. I’m hoping he has finally found peace from all of hissufferings.

With the little experience I have with love, I know that Iloved this friend. He turned me into a crazy person sometimes, but I loved him.

So thank you, Z. I might have been your Cool Chick, but youwere my Marine, my Warrior and my Black Ops Operator. I am eternally grateful for the time we spent together.
I ama better person for having known you.

qui-no-a vs. quin-wah

2012-01-07T22:11:00.000-06:00

a friend and i made this tonight as we half-paid attention to the lions v. saints game. when i first suggested it as our culinary adventure for the evening, i pronounced it qui-no-a. i was quickly corrected and maybe slightly ridiculed. either way you pronounce it, though, this recipe is pretty fabulous. we liked it so much we ate it standing up, straight out of the bowl.

enjoy!

quinoa and avocado salad with lemon tahini dressing (serves 2)

1/2 cup uncooked quinoa
1 cup water
pinch of salt
1 red bell pepper, diced
1/2 cup cilantro, chopped
1/2 red onion, diced
1 avocado, diced

in a medium saucepan, heat the quinoa and water until boiling. reduce heat to low/medium and simmer until the quinoa has absorbed the water and fluffs up, about 15 minutes. drain any extra water and set aside to cool.

make the dressing while the quinoa is cooking.

lemon tahini dressing

2 tbsp tahini
1 tbsp minced garlic (about 1 clove)
1 tbsp olive oil
1/4 cup fresh squeezed lemon juice
pinch of salt

whisk together the garlic, tahini, lemon juice, and olive oil. add hot water to thin (if desired) and then the salt.

toss the cooked quinoa, cilantro, red onion, bell pepper, and half of the dressing. add more dressing to taste. toss the avocado in last.

notes from the wanna-be chef

my friend and i made this as a main dish, but if you are making it for a side, then it probably feeds 3-4 people.
word of warning: easy on the red onion! don't feel like you need to add it all. however, if you are particularly fond of red onion, then just make sure that a) you don't plan on kissing anyone right after eating, or b) have gum or after-dinner mints handy in case kissing is on the menu.
there are probably endless possibilities to the additions that you could make to this recipe: tomatoes, broccoli, spinach, chicken, shrimp, black beans, kidney beans, feta cheese... all you would have to do is adjust your amount of quinoa and dressing.

(original recipe found here.)

love.

2012-01-03T17:08:00.000-06:00

from sister julie. she's naturally super.

talk it out (lovesick, pt. 3)

2012-01-02T22:55:00.001-06:00

in the past few months i have fallen in love with talking as a means of getting to know someone.

talks that go on for hours and hours.
talks that are about anything and everything.
talks that are open and honest.
talks that are real and sincere.
talks that are both personal and universal.
talks that are thought-provoking and uplifting.
talks that make you smile and laugh.

talks that have so many side bars and tangents that you have a hard time following the thought train back to the station to figure out where and why and how you started on that particular track.

and as much as i love talking, i also love listening.

listening to life stories.
listening to everyday stories.

listening to dreams and wishes.

listening to goals and ambitions.

listening to plans and machinations.
listening to fears and concerns.
listening to trials and challenges.
listening to deep, dark secrets.

listening to someone share little pieces of their soul, knowing that it takes courage and mutual trust with the other person to feel comfortable enough to do so.

talk, talk, talk. listen, listen, listen. i could do it forever.

12 Goals for 2012

2012-01-01T12:58:00.000-06:00

One year ago, on this very day, I made 3 goals for myself for 2011. I can proudly report that I accomplished all of them. For the year 2012, I decided to be a little more ambitious and up the ante on the number of things I wanted to achieve before the year was through.

So here you go - the ubiquitous New Year's Resolutions post...

12 GOALS FOR 2012

Increase in faith and trust in the Lord through regular prayer and gospel study.
Attend the temple at least twice a month.
Survive first year of teaching.
Remain employed to have a second year of teaching.
Train for and complete a half-marathon.
Make it out alive of the Ragnar Relay: Wasatch Back for the second year in a row.
Read more books, especially non-fiction and classic literature.
Keep a reading journal.
Make at least one major road-trip.
Take at least one vacation to some place new.
Be brave and adventurous.
Don’t be afraid to take chances.

Last year's word was LEARN.

This year's word is SERVE.

It's gonna be a good one. I can feel it.

merry and bright

2011-12-28T22:42:00.000-06:00

it's been a wonderful christmas season. i've been sleeping in almost every morning. eating a lot of yummy food. watching a lot of football.

laughing a lot with family and friends. and i've been taking a lot of pictures. enjoy.

ice! at the gaylord texan

family dinner at bob's steak and chop house

puzzles, puzzles and more puzzles

christmas eve: soup, terrorizing the cat, pjs, puzzles and letter to santa

christmas day: opening presents, eggs benedict (a family tradition), sunday best, mario kart

now, i am strongly opposed to video games and i generally dislike actually playing them. the one exception i make is for mario kart. i am a truly terrible player, but i do love me some classic mario kart. and a special shout-out to a special pretty girl for dropping off yummy cookies.

my tastebuds and my tummy thank you.

monday and tuesday: movies, shopping, family dinners, temple, art museum, more football, more puzzles

today: elm fork shooting range

the family that shoots together, stays together.

the girl in the spot next to us had a bedazzled .22. she bedazzled her gun. some people...

i think i look pretty good with a 9mm in my hand, don't you?

love the christmas season. grateful for time spent with family and friends.

both dreading and looking forward to going back to work next week.

hope your holiday has been merry and bright.

christmas traditions

2011-12-24T20:52:00.000-06:00

puzzles = party in a box

christmas eve dinner = soup

(this year's epicurean creation, courtesy of julie, butternut squash with orzo and chicken)

christmas pajamas. we are so cool.

(the men of our family)

(sisters, sisters)

(silly brothers)

more puzzles.

had yummy soup for dinner. changed into matching pajamas. took silly sibling pictures. currently watching and singing along to white christmas.

yup. it's christmas eve, y'all.

Dear Mr. Santa,

2011-12-24T19:59:00.000-06:00

This has been a wonderfully weird (or weirdly wonderful?) year. Let's do a quick recap:

Successfully completed a semester of student teaching.
Graduated from The University of Texas at Austin with a (second) bachelor's degree in English and my high school teaching certification.
Survived the Ragnar Relay: Wasatch Back.
Spent a Summer (and Fall and now Winter) with Mother.
Became gainfully employed as a high school English and Spanish teacher.
Fell in love with love.
Became officially certified to teach Spanish in the state of Texas.
Fell in love with teaching.
Lost sleep and, apparently, my appetite.
Made new friends.
Finally reached an understanding and an acceptance of who I am and how I am.
Realized that Heavenly Father has a plan for me, even if I am not able to see it or understand it at the present moment.

Through all of my experiences, trials and challenges this year, I can honestly say that I've tried my best to be a good girl. I guess you'll be the judge of that, but I want you to know that I've tried. I might not be 100% successful all of the time, but I always try.

I don't want or need much in the way of presents this year. Just a few special requests, if it's not too much trouble:

A life-size My Pretty Little Pony
A year's supply of completed lesson plans and assessments
A vacation to parts unknown
A passing score for all of my students on TAKS
A special someone (aka Mr. Wonderful)
Another 15 lbs. gone without any effort on my part
A real-life adventure

Would any of that fit on your sleigh tonight? If yes, that would be great. If no, then I understand. There are probably a lot of people out there who need your gifts more than I do.

Well, I hope everything goes well tonight. Wishing you a merry, merry Christmas Eve. Send my love to Mrs. Claus and the reindeers.

Love, Katie

"i just like to smile. smiling's my favorite."

2011-12-14T20:29:00.000-06:00

i left school today with the biggest smile on my face. it took me a few minutes to realize that i had been smiling all day and my cheeks were now hurting from all the smiling. even on the drive home, the smile stayed there, as if permanently plastered on my lips. i started to think it strange that i was smiling even though there was no one else around. it took me another few minutes to realize why i was smiling.

i am happy. truly and genuinely happy. it was a moment of pure joy. while i am generally a happy person (or rather, i like to think of myself as a happy person), i can't ever recall feeling this much happiness at one time. i quickly took a mental inventory of my life to figure out what was causing such an overwhelming feeling at 4:25 pm on a wednesday afternoon. i made the following conclusions:

for probably the first time in my life, i am comfortable with myself. yes, there are improvements to make in many areas of my life, but i like who i am and i better understand how i am. it's been an uphill battle to get to this point, a battle that has left its fair share of physical and emotional scars, but a battle well worth the sacrifice. it's a wonderful feeling to be at peace with yourself. to acknowledge your talents and strengths, to accept your faults and weaknesses, to laugh at your own ridiculousness, and to understand there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

in the past decade, i have spent more time than i care to admit feeling very lonely. even when i have been surrounded by people - family, friends, peers, coworkers, strangers - i have felt alone. i don't feel alone anymore. i'm still a bit of a homebody - my ideal weekend consists of staying in my pajamas, curling up on the couch and alternating between watching movies and reading books all day - and i'm okay with that. but there are people in my life right now that make me feel not alone. for example: last night i spent time with a friend, just watching a movie and talking. this morning i traded texts with close girlfriends, each one providing some much needed advice and comic relief. this afternoon another friend treated me to lunch (which is kind of a big deal when you consider the fact that i haven't had a real lunch in about two months!). the teacher across the hall from me is my new favorite friend - her and i talk and commiserate and laugh and share and vent and have all kinds of fun together. she has decided that i need to live in dallas and work with her at our school for the rest of my life - basically i'm not allowed to change jobs or get married and move away. as always, my family is my saving grace. a talk with mother, a phone call from sisters or brothers, a text from father and i am good to go. i am grateful for people who make me feel loved and remembered.

i have found my calling in life, and that calling is being a teacher. my students make me so happy. they are frustrating and stubborn and at times disrespectful to authority figures, but they are also kind and smart and funny. they make me laugh and i love going to work everyday. when i am in front of a class - anywhere from 3 to 28 students - i feel comfortable and natural. i know how to talk to them. i know how to teach them (or rather, i'm learning how to teach them). i love talking about literature and themes and words and characters and definitions and writing. explaining spanish grammar principles is a highlight of my day. this week i've let my students make snowflakes, which are now hanging from the ceiling of my classroom. i can't imagine myself in any other profession, and i have to laugh when i think that i thought i wanted to work in a big office downtown. more than anything in the world i want to be a wife and a mother - but until that blessing is realized, i am perfectly happy being a high school teacher.

the overwhelming emotion i felt this afternoon hit me with such force that happy tears welled-up in my eyes. in that moment i recognized a message from heaven: you're doing okay. you will be okay. it will all be okay.

i have a feeling that smiling is going to be my favorite for the foreseeable future.

twitching...

2011-12-11T21:32:00.001-06:00

random thoughts:

i didn't get a lot of sleep at the end of last week, and my efforts to play catch-up this weekend have failed miserably. on top of the exhaustion, i seem to have developed a twitch just under my left eye. it's been going non-stop since thursday. true story. i'm beginning to worry.

i'm excited for this next week. mainly because it's the last week before christmas break. also because i'm going to have my students make snowflakes to decorate my room. and i think i've almost figured out how to justify reading/watching how the grinch stole christmas in a high school-level english class.

in five short days... freedom for two whole weeks! so ready for a break from work and so ready to spend quality time with family and friends.

lots of changes coming in the next few weeks and i'm looking forward to having time to just sit and think, plan and ponder, organize and make decisions.

i love my job. i love my family. i love my friends. i love my savior. i love my life.

i love the christmas season.

i love my sleep. goodnight.

4 insta-months.

2011-12-10T21:07:00.001-06:00

has it really been 4 months? have i really been a real-life teacher for 4 whole months?

i don't sleep much anymore, so i'm exhausted all the time and the bags under my eyes are getting bigger and bigger. i don't eat lunch anymore because i'm either working or too stressed to think about food, so i've lost almost 15 lbs, which means none of my clothes fit me anymore. making lesson plans and grading assignments is the bane of my existence. my students drive me crazy and i get frustrated with them and sometimes i have to use my mean teacher voice, which i don't like to do.

but. i get to do what i love everyday of the week. can't wait for the next 4 months!

engaged.

2011-12-10T20:16:00.001-06:00

this is my brother jason.

he's one of my favorite brothers. and i'm one of his favorite sisters. sadly, i am being replaced.

by this beautiful young lady.

i think they had been dating less than a month when it was decided that they wanted to spend forever together.

when i asked jason when he first knew that he loved heather, he replied, "i can't remember... i'm not really sure how this happened, but it happened!"

i've never seen him so happy.

i don't know if heather fully realizes just how lucky she is. she is marrying my brother - one of the kindest, funniest, most generous, most loving young men that i have ever known. plus, she's marrying into the romney family. and we're kind of awesome :)

congratulations, jason and heather! i'm excited to have you both here in a week, and i'm excited to finally meet you, heather!

may 26, 2012. can't wait!!!

POW: "It's beginning..."

2011-12-01T20:24:00.001-06:00

I might tweak this playlist a bit over the weekend, but for right now I'm quite pleased with it. These songs make my soul smile.

Listen and love.

Winter Song, Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson - both of these ladies have gorgeous voices, and together their sound is heartbreakingly beautiful. beautiful song, too.
All I Do Is Win, DJ Khaled feat. T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross - my new theme song. makes me feel like i can do anything. like run a marathon...
Someone Like You, Charlie Puth & Emily Luther - ohmylife. this cover is beyond beautiful. dare i say better than the original?
My Name, McLean - kayla, i must give you kudos for this one. so smooth and so awe. some.
Everything's an Illusion, Mayday Parade - i've been in a mayday mood for about a week now. their latest album has been as life-altering as their first album was way back in 2008.
You're The First, The Last, My Everything, Joshua Radin - watch this. you're welcome.
No Light, No Light, Florence + the Machine - why is she so fabulous?
Start a War, The National - i listened to nothing but this incredible band for almost the entire month of october. their music changed my life.
Learn to Love, Needtobreathe - this band rocks my soul.
I Forgive You, Kelly Clarkson - so happy she's still making music.
It Is What It Is, Lifehouse - i have a special place in my heart for this band. soundtrack of my high school life.
Fooling Myself, Grace Potter & The Nocturnals - i quite like her sound.
Circle of Lies, There For Tomorrow - great band.
Long Live, Taylor Swift - why is her music so addictive?
Without the Bitter the Sweet Isn't As Sweet, Mayday Parade - one more mayday for good measure.
Can't Help Falling In Love, Ingrid Michaelson - featured in the trailers for this movie. looks like a tearjerker.
Wish List, Neon Trees - 'tis the season, after all.

a sampler platter

2011-11-28T21:00:00.000-06:00

since i have a lot of thoughts rolling around inside my head, here's a sample platter of the latest and greatest...

maiden voyage
my precious and i had our first official road trip this past weekend. i drove to houston to visit a friend and as i rocked out to my favorite tunes, i remembered just how much i love going 80 on an open freeway. it's the best kind of therapy i know.

vampires suck
finally saw breaking dawn. it wasn't as terrible as i thought it would be, but it was still pretty awful. and by awful i mean "why is there a part of me that is absolutely loving this while the other part of me is completely mortified that i actually paid for this torture?" team let-this-be-over-already.

mega yachts
for j&r: "but you should see diddy's!!!"

all wrong? all right?
have you ever questioned whether you are doing things the right way? or if there even is a right way? lately i've been wondering if i'm doing things all wrong. or all right. or somewhere in between. work, family, relationships, responsibilities, personal improvement. all wrong? or all right?

emotional range of a teaspoon
one of my favorite quotes from harry potter, book 5:

hermione: "well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of cedric dying. then i expect she's feeling confused because she liked cedric and now she likes harry, and she can't work out who she likes best. then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to cedric's memory to be kissing harry at all, and she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with harry. and she probably can't work out what her feelings toward harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with cedric when cedric died, so that's all very mixed up and painful. oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the ravenclaw quidditch team because she's been flying so badly."

ron: "one person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode."

hermione: "just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have."

sometimes i wish i did have the emotional range of a teaspoon. it would make things a lot simpler.

running away
as a friend and i were discussing life's many frustrations, this friend suggested, "why don't we just run away to mexico?" that suggestion is looking more and more appealing now that i'm back at work, dealing with lesson plans and schedules and assignments and projects. if only it were that simple.

on another note, i actually got outside last week and went on morning runs through the neighborhood. the best hour of my day. i miss running. it's the best kind of therapy i know.

thanksgiving detox
the friday before turkey day break, one of our lovely custodians at school provided lunch for all of the teachers. it was a veritable mexican fiesta: enchiladas, beans and rice, chips with salsa and homemade guac. i happily filled my plate and enjoyed every bite, and then topped it all off with some banana pudding. about 30 minutes later, i regretted every bite. i realized way too late that i had basically conditioned my body to not eat lunch - my stomach had not had to digest an actual meal for quite some time. i spent the rest of the day trying to hide my extreme discomfort, just watching the minutes tick by until the end of the school day. as soon as i got home, i almost immediately changed into pajamas, curled up in a ball under the covers and then spent the next 7 hours in and out of consciousness, a combination of my exhaustion and aching tummy. i was up again at midnight, fully awake and wishing someone would put me out of my misery. finally fell asleep again around 3ish. i didn't eat again for almost a day and a half.

at the time the thought of thanksgiving dinner made me nauseous. let's just say i got over my fear of food pretty fast. and now that thanksgiving is officially over and the leftovers have all but disappeared from the fridge, it's time to shrink the stomach again and detox from all of the food, food and more food that i consumed over the break. just in time for the holidays. oy vey.

mellow out

our new semester started the week before thanksgiving break. i don't know if it was a conscience decision, but i am a hundred times more mellow this semester than i was last semester. i think it's because i know my kids better, i know what they are willing and able (and unwilling and unable) to do. i'm starting to understand the fine art of grades and daily assignments and tests and quizzes. i know how to control a class of 28 and then switch gears for a class of 12. my online courses are super organized and structured. i'm liking this more mellow, less-stressed version of myself. she's much more fun to be around.

the best kind of therapy

family. friends. food. football. talking. laughing. driving. running. sleeping. breathing. blogging.

thankful: a list

2011-11-24T09:57:00.001-06:00

i've been thinking a lot lately about gratitude.

for a while, unfortunately, my thoughts on gratitude were mainly focused on the thanks that i feel is owed me by my students, by my family and friends, by the world. but i soon realized that those thoughts were not very productive, nor are they reflective of the gratitude that i have in my heart for my students, for my family and friends, for the world.

so here is a list, in no particular order and definitely not complete, of the things that i feel especially thankful for on this day of thanksgiving...

my Savior, the gospel, the church. my testimony of Jesus Christ has sustained me through many trials in life and i feel His love in the little tender mercies and miracles He sends me everyday.
my family. they are the best and i love them with my whole heart and soul. i am never more happy than when i am with them. excited for new additions in the near future.
my job. i love being a teacher. it is one of the best decisions i've made in my life. my students drive me crazy and cause me more stress than i ever thought possible... but i absolutely love it. and i'm not just grateful for my job - i'm grateful to have a job. i recognize it as a blessing from heaven. my heart breaks for all those who are struggling because of the economy. i pray that the future will bring blessings to those in need.
the men and women of america's armed forces. i've recently become friends with a current member of the military, and as i've learned more about this friend's experiences in the war in iraq and afghanistan, my perspective and understanding of the military has changed drastically. i respected and admired members of the armed forces before, but now i am humbled by all that they give up in service to our country and freedoms. these men and women, especially those who are deployed to where the bullets are flying, are truly inspiring. this friend is one my new heroes, as are all who have given, do give and will give their lives in defense of freedom and liberty.
music. this should come as no surprise. it's no secret that i love music. it wakes me up in the morning. it keeps me company on the drive to work. it sustains me throughout the workday. it gets me home in the evening. it helps me finally fall asleep at night. and lately, it's been my rock-out friend during morning runs. my life would be not very much fun without music.
football. and sports in general. they seem to make life more exciting. i may not understand everything that is going on, but i know enough to make myself a contributing member of any watching party.
honesty. i appreciate people who say what they mean and mean what they say. people who say yes when they mean yes, and no when they mean no. people who are open and candid, who say what is on their mind and don't play games and make you try to guess what they are thinking. i know i need to be better at being honest with others and, more importantly, with myself, but i am grateful for the example of other brave souls who are confident enough to be honest with what they are thinking and feeling.
disappointments. without the bitter, we wouldn't be able to recognize or even appreciate the sweet.
technology. we just skyped for an hour with sisters and nephews in utah. i've had conversations with friends from halfway across the world. my students submit almost all of their assignments through our online home page. with my iphone google map app i am never lost. love it or hate it, i am a facebook fiend and a blogging queen. i watched general conference live on my mac this year. family members who had surgeries this summer are almost as good as new. the super-imposed first-down line makes my heart happy. dad has been able to fly back and forth between dallas and london 12 times so far this year. the ding! ding! that lets me know i have a new text message makes me smile. the ipod shuffle is my running friend. as sad as it may be, without technology i would be lost and alone.
food. it's almost turkey time. 'nuff said.

wishing you a thankful heart, full of family and friends and food (and football)

on this thanksgiving thursday!

oh, how things change.

2011-11-14T19:35:00.001-06:00

last week was kind of rough. correction, it was really rough. senior presentations and semester exams kicked my trash and left me more exhausted than i have ever felt before in my life. as a tribute to my stellar social life, i was in bed by 8 on friday night, with lights out by 10.

saturday, however, was actually a wonderful day. i went for a morning run, spent some time at the temple, did a little dream shopping at anthro, and ended the night with a pizza and the byu game. yet another tribute: i fell asleep on the couch during the 3rd quarter, finally dragging myself upstairs to bed at around midnight.

sunday was a spectacular day. i went to nine hours straight of church meetings and church-related activities. i work with the young women in my ward and they sang two beautiful musical numbers during the first hour of meetings. i was able to visit with friends i haven't seen for weeks. and then, to top off an already fabulous day, elf was on tv last night. i laughed. a lot.

so i started today in a pretty good mood. but, oh, how things change. one thing lead to many things. one minor upset became three major problems. one hour of boring work turned into six hours of tedious, mind-numbing work. when i finally left school at 7pm (for those of you keeping track at home, that's a 12-hour work day), i was in an extremely foul mood.

dinner tonight was a bowl of sherbet. and now i'm watching the holiday, feeling absolutely crummy about life. and i still have another four hours of lesson planning to do before tomorrow.

but then.... a phone call from a friend.

still watching the holiday. still have another four hours of lesson planning. but not feeling so crummy about life anymore.

oh, how things change.

"you seem more stressed than we are."

2011-11-09T21:05:00.000-06:00

for the past three months, i have been working with a group of 20+ seniors on their senior capstones: a combination of a portfolio (with cover letter, resume, college essay, transcripts, etc), a research paper on their possible future career, and finally a presentation to a group of volunteer judges to present the information from the first two parts.

we spent the first two months of the semester working on their research papers. then, for the past two weeks, we have been working on powerpoints and practicing for the actual presentations.

today my (november-graduating) seniors had their presentations. probably one of the most stressful days of my life. 22 students, coordinated among 4 rooms at 20-min intervals. not to mention, all of the preparation and set-up on my part to help these seniors be successful.

as i was sweating bullets, running around this morning making sure everything was ready for the presentations to begin, one of my students made the comment: "you seem more stressed than we are, ms. romney." i just kind of looked at her and rushed away to take care of yet another detail of the morning's presentations.

only later did a fellow teacher provide me with a clever retort: of course i'm more stressed than you are. i probably care more than you do!

after 4 hours on my feet, herding cats (ie: my students), checking schedules, providing encouragement and advice, the presentations ended. all of the students went back to class, the judges left and i was the last one in the presentation area. i collected all of the portfolios and folders from the rooms, gathered up cables and power cords, turned off lights and locked doors.

before i made the long walk back to my classroom at other end of the building, i stood facing the wall, closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths in and out. i wasn't sure if i needed to cry or scream. in that moment i felt very much alone. i felt like i needed a hug from someone, anyone. i needed someone to understand how hard this whole experience has been. i needed someone to know how stressful the past few months have been. i needed my students to understand that the reason i have such big bags under my eyes is because i haven't been sleeping much in the past few weeks, because i've been up all night grading assignments and working on stuff for them. i needed someone to acknowledge that i do a lot for my students, even if they don't seem to appreciate it. i needed someone to tell me that i'm doing okay.

with the help of a student, i hauled all of the presentation materials back to my classroom. the next 3 hours were spent fielding questions, concerns and last-minute requests from students completing and turning in assignments (most of which should have been done weeks ago). my hysteria level reached an all-time high when my work laptop decided to completely fritz-out on me, leaving me absolutely dead-in-the-water with exams and grades. i was about 2 seconds away from throwing the monitor against the wall and storming out of my classroom in a fit of rage when the last bell of the day finally rang.

once again, i was alone in my classroom.

but then, an announcement came over the loud speaker for me to come down to the front office. a lovely little bouquet of flowers and a sweet note from my wonderful principal awaited me. i almost cried.

sometimes...

2011-11-06T09:53:00.000-06:00

sometimes i put on high heels when i'm cleaning my room.

sometimes i listen to the same song over and over and over.

sometimes i just sit and stare and think deep thoughts.

sometimes i price flights for weekend getaways.

sometimes i put the same to-do on four different to-do lists.

sometimes it hurts how much i miss j&r.

sometimes i laugh at the way my life has turned out.

sometimes i wish i could stay in bed instead of going to work.

sometimes i'm jealous of my siblings.

sometimes i feel not good enough.

sometimes i miss the mountains.

sometimes i get really excited for what could be.

sometimes i don't eat lunch.

sometimes i love driving by myself and singing at the top of my lungs.

sometimes i talk to the cat.

sometimes i procrastinate grading and lesson planning by blogging.

sometimes i make lists of things that i say i do sometimes but that i really do all the time.

POW: "Lunch Date in Afghanistan"

2011-11-04T21:24:00.000-05:00

Last night I went on a lunch date in Afghanistan to the Waffle House in Grapevine. A gold star to anyone who can figure that one out.

But back to the music. The playlist that follows is pretty fabulous. In fact, it's rockin' my world right now.

Listen and love.

Shake It Out, Florence + the Machine
Oh Well, Oh Well, Mayday Parade
A Thousand Years, Christina Perri
Saturday Love, Angels & Airwaves
Disaster Hearts, I Fight Dragons
Slow Show, The National
Alone, Kelly Clarkson
Wanted Man, Needtobreathe
Empty Room, Arcade Fire
Club Can't Handle Me, Flo Rida feat. David Guetta
I'll Be Waiting, Adele
Closer, Anberlin
The Only One, The Black Keys
Singing With the King, Go Radio
Skeleton Song, Kate Nash
Sticky Thread, Local Natives
Oh Darling, Plug In Stereo feat. Cady Groves
Easy, Rascal Flatts & Natasha Bedingfield
Listen to the Beethoven, Mark Isham

happy 500.

2011-11-02T18:25:00.001-05:00

this is my 500th post. happy day for me.

actually, it really has been a happy day. let me tell you why.

i had a lunch date this afternoon... sort of. the friend with whom i was supposed to have lunch ended up having to leave town earlier than expected, so we had our lunch date over the phone. sounds so strange, i know, but it was probably one of the best "dates" i've ever been on. let me tell you why.

we talked. a lot. and about everything. we also laughed. a lot. and at everything. it's so nice to be able to just talk to someone, letting the conversation go wherever it wants to go. no games or awkwardness, just talking. and talking makes me happy.

so i like lunch dates (over the phone or otherwise). i like talking. i like laughing. and as y'all know, i really like blogging, especially about the things that i like that make me happy.

so here's to 500 more happy days.

i made my family disappear.

2011-10-30T20:24:00.000-05:00

when i first moved back to dallas in june the plan was to house-sit for mom and dad while they were taking an extended working holiday across the pond. not even a week after i moved back home, mother came back to the states to receive medical attention for the chronic pain in her foot.

that was five months ago.

she ended up needing surgery. and then physical therapy. and then she needed another surgery. and then more physical therapy. so the plan for me to live at home by myself turned into me living at home with my mother.

it wasn't all bad. in fact, it wasn't bad at all. we had a fun summer and fall, living together as roomies.

this past weekend we had a full house with brothers chris and jason in town. they flew back to az and ut, respectively, this morning. and just a couple of hours ago, i dropped mother off at the airport for her flight to london.

i am now officially home alone.

granted, both mom and dad are coming back home in three and a half weeks for turkey day and christmas holidays, so my home alone-ness will be short-lived until the start of the new year. but as soon as i walked in the door tonight, i had the sudden urge to run around the house, maybe jump up and down on the upstairs landing.

"i'm living alone! i'm living alone!"

oh, brothers

2011-10-29T21:30:00.000-05:00

brothers chris and jason flew into dallas for the weekend.

it's been the best weekend in recent memory. i love my brothers.

friday night: byu v. tcu game at cowboys stadium. the game itself was an embarrassing letdown, but we had fun being together.

we had hotdogs at jerry's place. i love jerry's place.

mom and her boys.

pretty girl tatum came with us to the game. after spending the whole evening with three romney siblings, i'm pretty sure she thinks we are all crazy. and she would be right.

since the game was such a bust, we left during the 3rd quarter (fair-weather fans, i know), dropped mom off at home and went to a late movie.
again, i'm pretty sure tatum thinks we are insane. and we probably are. but we sure do have fun together.

saturday morning: the breakfast of champions = eggo waffles w/ peanut butter and syrup.

saturday afternoon: lunch at the feedstore. a family favorite and a southlake landmark.

saturday evening: we took a drive over to school to see where the magic happens (aka my classroom),
then drove over to town square to walk around and do a little shopping.

my brothers are studs.
my brothers are awesome.
they make me happy.
they make me laugh.
and any time spent with them is a good time.

Halloween Nuggets

2011-10-29T19:38:00.000-05:00

If you remember these little Halloween Nuggets, then you were a child of the 80s. And chances are you're pretty awesome, too.

Happy Halloween, y'all!

hug it out (lovesick, pt. 2)

2011-10-26T18:26:00.002-05:00

i like hugs. they're my favorite.

at school there have been a number of new-couple alerts. as teachers we try to quash any physical contact beyond hand-holding, but there seems to be nothing we can do about the lightening-quick hugs that these couples give each other as they say goodbye for a whole 50-minutes. i realize that the separation must be excruciating, but 7+ hugs a day seems a little excessive for a high school romance.

but then again... maybe these teens are on to something.

there is nothing quite like receiving a big, full, tight, 2-armed hug from someone you care about. a hug where you just kind of hold the other person for a couple of beats. a hug where the squeeze of the hugger is directly proportional to how much they love and care for the huggee.

i think in general we need to hug each other more.

a hug means you're my friend. a hug means you make me happy. a hug means i'm concerned. a hug means i missed you. a hug means i'm sorry. a hug means i forgive you. a hug means i'm scared. a hug means i'll protect you. a hug means thank you. a hug means anytime. a hug means i'm worried. a hug means i care. a hug means i think you're great. a hug means i like you. a hug means i love you.

a hug means everything we can't say in words, especially when we have no words.

so give a special someone in your life a hug. don't explain why, just hug them. they'll know exactly what you mean.

concentration

2011-10-24T19:24:00.000-05:00

for the life of me i could not concentrate at work today.

too many things on my mind:

people

places

events

emotions

experiences

conversations

comments

feelings

food

during my conference period i just kind of stared at my calendar.

stared at my phone.

stared at my empty classroom.

stared at the papers on my desk

stared at my work email inbox.

stared at my phone again.

stared at the clock.

by the end of the day i felt so discombobulated i didn't know where i was or what i was doing.

and the sad thing is i don't foresee my concentration problems being solved anytime soon.

humph.

....

wait. what was i talking about?

disconnect

2011-10-23T19:02:00.002-05:00

yes, this was an actual conversation:

apparently, the friend with whom i was conversing - and incredibly worried about - showed this to all of his work buddies and they had a good laugh.

glad i could be the source of their amusement.

but seriously, this is how my brain has been functioning lately. after reading and editing students' papers all day long, words don't make sense to me when i get home. i tried reading a book for pleasure the other night and i kept on having to reread the same paragraph over and over, because all i could think of was "oh, he should not have used that word there. oh, that is passive voice. oh, this writing is so informal. oh, if i were his editor..."

so i apologize in advance if i ever nitpick your grammar and use of the english language. i really don't mean to come off sounding like a pretentious know-it-all. i just can't seem to disconnect from being the teacher during the day and a normal person at night (but who am i kidding? i've never been normal...).

i'm noticing that there are a lot of aspects of my life that are being (negatively) influenced by my day job. not only do i need to find balance, i need to learn how, when the last bell rings, to disconnect from being the teacher and just being me.

if i don't, i'm scared i'm going to start losing friends. or at the very least, my utter confusion at the meaning of words will be the source of other people's amusement for the rest of my life.

the ubiquitous saturday morning post

2011-10-22T10:09:00.002-05:00

life is good.

the weather is beautiful today.
i love being a teacher.
i passed my spanish certification exam.
i don't eat anymore, therefore i'm losing weight.
i am able to laugh at my own absurdity.
i love my students.

i talked to my happy-in-love brother this week.

i went to bed at 10 pm last night.
i slept in until 9 am this morning.
i found new recipes to have new adventures in the kitchen.
friends are coming over tonight to carve pumpkins.
fall has finally arrived.

life is good.

i mildly dislike whales.

2011-10-17T21:01:00.000-05:00

the events of the past few days have made me incredibly happy. and because of them i mildly dislike whales.

my weekend was fantastic. spent time with a new friend and some not-so-new friends. went to a concert that rocked my world. but more on my awesome weekend with friends and the best live show i've ever had the privilege of attending later. back to the whales.

right after 2nd period today, i checked my phone for new messages. i opened an email from the texas education agency informing me that my score report for the lote-spanish certification exam was available to view online. thankfully 3rd period is my conference, so there were no students in the room, because i started shaking (an "inner tremble," if you will). i debated for a minute about whether to check my score right then, during the school day, or wait until after everyone had left the building. i knew that if i opened that pdf document only to see a failing score, i would be useless the rest of the day. i finally cowgirl'ed up and opened the report. a passing score had to be 240 or above out of 300.

i scored a 259.

i have never before in my life felt such strong emotions of relief, contentment and gratitude. i immediately jumped up from behind my desk, crossed the hallway, stuck my head into the classroom of my fellow teacher and, interrupting her instruction to the class, proudly and quickly announced, "i passed!" i raced back to my desk and called home. in my short conversation with mother, we laughed at how completely and totally miserable that day had made me. in the history of bad days in my life, that day ranks right up there with the day my truck was stolen (and we all know how that ended). but the combination of the events of that morning (being literally trapped in my driveway) and then sitting for 4 hours taking that ridiculous and worthless exam - i have never been so angry. i don't think of myself as an angry person, nor do i particularly like being angry, but i was angry that day. angry at everything in my life. so angry that i was questioning a lot of things that i know, deep in my heart, to be true. not my finest moment. but now, as it turns out, there was nothing to be angry about (although, i would contend that being trapped in one's driveway deserves at least an hour or two of pure anger).

after a quick conversation with mother, i texted father and a few close friends, so excited to share my happy news. i was not a failure. i had not disappointed or betrayed the trust of my principal who had hired me on the understanding that i could pass the certification exam for spanish. but more importantly, i would not have to sit through another 4 hours of pure misery.

i finally put my phone down and let the emotions kind of settle in my heart. i was still shaking a little (mostly due to the fact that i really hadn't eaten anything yet. oh, did i not tell you? i apparently don't eat anymore. down almost 10 lbs. since the start of the school year.), and i needed to process. it was then that i realized that i had forgotten someone even more important than mom, dad and close friends. i bowed my head and offered a sincere prayer of gratitude to my heavenly father. i always seem to make a mess of my life, and he always seems to know exactly how to clean it up. i am in constant awe of the blessings that i have been given, almost all of which are undeserved. i also felt the need to apologize for how angry i had been that day, because all of my anger at the stupid gate and the worthless exam had eventually turned inward, and then upward. again, not my finest moment. i am grateful for experiences such as this that help me grow in both my faith and trust in the lord.

i don't think i will ever be able to fully disassociate whales with such a traumatic day in my life, but i can safely say that i no longer hate them. mildly dislike, yes, but no more hate.

seriously. whales.

other somethings...

2011-10-09T23:52:00.000-05:00

i've come to a realization. as soon as you find something to be sad or upset about, heaven will make sure another something is placed in your path to turn your frown upside down. in the past week, these are some of the "other somethings" that have made me happy...

sharing an inside joke with a co-worker
college football
staring contests with little babies
driving around in my truck
new music (courtesy of mayday parade and needtobreathe)
an hour-long telephone conversation with a new friend
participating in the baptismal service for an 8-year old child
going to bed at 9:30 pm
being nice to salespeople
students telling me that i'm their favorite teacher
rainy days
text message from dad in london
being able to tell a parent their student is wonderful
having my gas tank filled for free
jeans day at work
getting to know the families in my ward
laughing with a friend about the awkwardness of dating
sharing books with students and friends
telephone call from sister
a chance meeting with an old college friend

that last "other something" just happened tonight. she's one of my favorite people from my byu days. we hadn't seen each other in 3 years. seeing her and talking and laughing about the roller-coaster ride our lives have been since graduation made my heart so happy. and it was yet another confirmation to me that heavenly father knows me personally. he knows i needed to see her tonight. he knows i needed her hugs. he knows. he knows me and he knows you. he knows that we have good days and bad days. he knows what we need in order to make the good outweigh the bad. if we are humble, we will be able to recognize those little gifts of happiness - the "other somethings" - he puts in our life. those little gifts are clear expressions of his love and concern for each of his children here on earth.

thank you, erin, for being my "other something" tonight.

(just to clarify, erin's sitting on top of the counter. really. i'm not that short.)

fireball

2011-10-09T11:26:00.000-05:00

i invited some friends over last night to watch the rangers play in game 1 of the alcs. a good friend brought a date with her.

he has red hair and a charming smile. he's 4. and he's adorable.

despite all of the rain delays, we had a very entertaining evening watching this little fireball play with legos and tinker toys and make trains and build a corral for his farm animals and talk about his trip to the zoo and attempt to say "hakuna matata"and wander around the house looking for the cat. and my favorite part is that he called me "miss katie."

i love little people. and i am constantly amazed at the mothers (and fathers) who raise the little people. as exhausted as i am after teaching 75 teenagers all day, it's nothing compared to raising just 1 little person, let alone 2 or 3 or 6 little people.

can't wait.

Plato and Play-Doh

2011-10-09T11:04:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, in one of my English classes, we discussed Plato's Allegory of the Cave. I was saddened by how many students had never heard of Plato before.

This past week, in the online Art Appreciation course that I facilitate, we played with Play-Doh. I am happy to report that all of the students were familiar with Play-Doh.

Good to know that our educational system is working.

lovesick

2011-10-04T20:48:00.000-05:00

i'm kind of in love with love right now.

i teach at a school with a very small student body. news travels fast, especially when it's news of a new on-campus couple. today i observed the new couple making googly eyes at each other from across the commons, which made me smile and giggle. the girl glanced in my direction and, assuming an innocent expression, asked, "are you laughing, ms. romney?" i matched her innocent expression and replied, "me? never!" ahhh. young love.

a brother-o-mine recently started dating a lovely young woman who is in his same student ward in utah. when he told me the whole story of how he finally mustered up the courage to tell her he liked her, he described the weeks leading up to the fateful first date as being completely and totally miserable. in his own words, he was "lovesick." he couldn't eat. he couldn't sleep. he couldn't concentrate. i couldn't help but smile and giggle. i told him that since i have given him, on more than one occasion, a back stage pass to the drama and insanity that goes on in the female mind when she herself is "lovesick," i will need regular updates. ahhh. young love.

for the past four months, mother has been here in texas, undergoing several surgeries to fix the persistent pain in her feet and knees. father has been in london, working. to say that they have been missing each other is the understatement of the century. dad has made several weekend trips back to texas in order to be with mom, and also to prevent his own decline into utter and complete despair being by himself across the pond. in a weird way, it's been really sweet to see how miserable they are without each other. ahhh. young-at-heart love.

over the past few months i've had the chance to become better acquainted with a couple from church. they have quite an amazing love story. from first meet to marriage proposal? two weeks. and they are really quite perfect for each other. i've enjoyed spending time with them and learning more about how they have made their very different lives fit together for a successful marriage and family. ahhh. young-at-heart love.

the past few weeks at school have been tough. apathetic students, late nights, never-ending assignments to grade. it's been one headache and four-hours-of-sleep-at-night after another. but when i have the opportunity to talk with a student one on one to discuss how they can do better and succeed, not just in my classes, but in all of their classes, my heart swells with emotion. i love my students. i love being a teacher.

on the drive home from work tonight, this song came on the xm radio. which reminded me of these two girls. i love that song. and i love those two girls.

i watched last night's episode of castle during my "sit and be" time tonight. and i remembered one of my favorite lines: "how do you know when you're in love?" "all the songs make sense." i love that show. and i love that line.

so yes. i'm in love with love right now. a bit lovesick, if you will. all the songs don't make sense just yet, but maybe someday soon.

Football and Food with Friends

2011-09-28T21:19:00.001-05:00

If you're going to watch Monday Night Football, you should watch it with friends.

And if you're going to watch it with friends, you should watch it with guy friends.

Because they like food. And they usually have plenty of it.

i hate whales.

2011-09-25T13:16:00.001-05:00

yesterday was quite possibly one of the worst days of my life. and because of it i now hate whales.

i woke up at 6:00 am to get ready for my spanish certification exam which started at 8:00 am. since i had to be there at 7:30 am and the testing center was about a 30 minute drive, i was planning on leaving at 6:45 am, just to be safe. i had all of my stuff together, grabbed a protein shake and a bottle of dasani from the fridge and jumped in my precious. i clicked the button to lower the garage door, then clicked the button to open the gate.... and nothing. i clicked again. nothing. i unhooked the clicker from it's usual spot and pointed it directly at the gate. nothing. i got out, pressed the button on the side of the box. nothing. i tried moving the gate manually. nothing. i got into mom's car and tried her clicker. nothing. nothing. nothing. i was literally trapped in my own driveway.

i'll spare you the details of the panic attack, breaking down into sobs, banging the gate bars with a wrench, yelling at my mother, yelling at the air, the 30 minutes it took me to unscrew the bolt to be able to open the gate manually, and then my subsequent breakdown as i peeled out of the driveway and sped on down the road in order to get to my test on time.

it wasn't pretty. in fact, it was awful. but not as awful as the next 4 hours of my life.

yes, i was somewhat unprepared for the test. but even at the height of my fluency in spain, i still would have done terrible on this test. there was a reading/multiple choice section (in spanish) that i think i did great on. there was a listening/multiple choice section (in spanish) that i think i did great on. then there were 3 written sections (in spanish) that i felt okay about. then there were 3 speaking sections that completely shattered any confidence i might have had in speaking the spanish language. the prompts? first, to take the position of being in favor of creating a whale sanctuary in the south atlantic. second, to explain why people should vote in national elections. third, a telephone conversation with a student's mother about an upcoming school trip. probably the most stressful thing i've ever had to do in my entire life. it was ridiculous. the whole thing is timed. and i'm talking into a headset microphone surrounded by other people (all hispanic) taking the same test. even in english i wouldn't have words for the first two prompts. it was horrible. and embarrassing. really, i can speak spanish. i can communicate and native speakers can understand me. but these prompts were absolutely ridiculous. other than the last prompt, they have nothing to do with teaching spanish in high school. whales? seriously? whales. so worthless.

the last two sections of the test were in english - a multiple choice section on pedagogy practices, and then two writing prompts. after the complete disaster that was the speaking portion, i couldn't feel confident about any of my answers. and everything is timed.

i left the testing center feeling absolutely sick to my stomach. when i got home i went for a walk to try to clear my head. that didn't work. i then proceeded to spend the rest of the day practically catatonic in front of the television, being mad at everything and nothing.

whales. seriously. i hate whales.

Family Is Worth Fighting For

2011-09-18T19:55:00.000-05:00

I saw this movie yesterday and have not been able to stop thinking about it. It is absolutely incredible. So powerful and emotional. The performances by the three lead actors (Tom Hardy, Joel Edgerton and Nick Nolte) are amazing. The fight sequences are quite impressive. But this movie is not just about MMA fighting. It's about family and forgiveness. It's about loving and being loved by those whom we have hurt the most. It is simply a beautifully made film. I'll most likely be going to see it again soon, so let me know if you are in the mood to watch something awesome. I'll be the one clapping through her tears at the end of the movie.

My Precious

2011-09-18T19:40:00.000-05:00

I am nothing if not brand loyal. I only drink Dasani water. I've worn Asics running shoes for the past 5 years. I prefer Dove body wash. I own an insane amount of Apple products. I only shop for books at Barnes & Noble. Crest toothpaste. James Avery jewelry. Sony televisions. Oakley sunglasses. I know which products I like and I will stick with them until personal experience gives me a reason not to.

Six years ago I had the opportunity to lease my very first vehicle. Dad was there, helping me every step of the way, explaining the jargon and numbers. I was happy with my decision and excited to drive what I thought was a one-time vehicle - a Toyota Tacoma Truck. I believe my thought process at the time was something along the lines of "I'm young, I have no responsibilities other than school, so I'll have fun with this car, but my next car will be something more serious and practical."

Fast forward three years. My lease is up, it's time to turn in the car, so what I do get? Another Toyota Tacoma Truck. Once again, Dad was there to help me navigate my way through the lingo and prices.

Fast forward yet another three years to yesterday. The lease on Leona is up, it's time to turn her in, so what do I get? Another Toyota Tacoma Truck. But this time I did it all by myself. Yes, Dad was on speed dial, but I think I did a good job of channeling Dad's business polite sternness and got a pretty good deal on a brand new truck. Yes, I am my father's daughter.

So, there you have it. Six years, three trucks, all Tacomas. I am a business marketing professional's dream come true.

The Red Tacoma (I don't think it had a name) went with me to Los Angeles and The Grey Tacoma (aka Leona) went with me to Austin.

And after much debate and consideration (actually, it was a two-minute conversation with Mom), I've finally decided on a name for my new Tacoma.... MY PRECIOUS. Or, you know, just PRECIOUS for short.

(This only makes sense if you know that I am obsessed with Lord of the Rings. It's supposed to be funny. Not creepy.)

She's so shiny! She still needs running boards and some personal touches, but I am pretty pumped about my new ride. I'm even more pumped about being able to make monthly payments on my new ride. Weird, I know, but monthly payments means I have a full-time job. And a full-time job means I feel extremely blessed and fortunate to be receiving a steady paycheck. And a steady paycheck means I can make monthly car payments.

And I realize that one of these years necessity might actually require me to get a "more serious and practical" vehicle, but you better believe that you will have to pry the keys out of my kung-fu grip before I willingly drive anything other than a Tacoma. (Exceptions include Audi R8 and Lexus IS.)

Loyalty, My Precious. Loyalty.

PTP: "Bust a Move"

2011-09-11T20:39:00.002-05:00

I broke one of my cardinal rules this weekend and actually went to a church dance for young single adults. And yes, I had fun. I know. I am so ashamed.

While the DJ did play some pretty rockin' dance tunes, there were a few songs that on principal alone I had to protest (that Cee Lo song, anything by Britney... grrr).

So I started thinking - what are the songs that I love to dance to? And boom! A new themed-playlist is born. Mind you, these are only the most recent get-up-and-get-your-groove-on songs that I love. For a complete list, see my entire iTunes library :)

Listen and love. And bust a move*.

Crank That (Soulja Boy) [Travis Barker Remix], Soulja Boy Tell'Em
Touch, Natasha Bedingfield
Best Love Song, T-Pain feat. Chris Brown
Telephone, Lady GaGa feat. Beyonce
I Like The Way, Bodyrockers
Firework, Katy Perry
Break Your Heart, Taio Cruz feat. Ludacris
If I Had You, Adam Lambert
Blow, Ke$ha
In My Head, Jason Derulo
My Body, Young the Giant
Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It), Beyonce
Dynamite, Taio Cruz
If We Ever Meet Again, Timbaland feat. Katy Perry
I Don't Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem), Good Charlotte
How You Like Me Now, The Heavy
(I Like My) Cowboys Dirty, Bridgette Tatum
Kick Drum Heart, The Avett Brothers

*these songs also serve quite nicely as running/work-out music.

if you're happy and you know it...

2011-09-11T20:11:00.001-05:00

i was informed by a friend this weekend that clapping at the end of movies is weird.

i tried to explain that clapping for a movie is the same as clapping for a game that you are watching on tv. my friend begged to differ. i tried to explain that movies make me happy, so i clap. my friend still thought it was weird.

but really? it's weird? am i the only person who claps at the end of movies? not every movie, mind you, just the really, really good ones.

granted, i clap at the beginning, and sometimes during movies, too. i even clap for previews. but that doesn't make me weird, does it?

please, someone back me up on this. do you clap at the end of movies? i'm not the only one, right? right?!

Let's hear it for New York...

2011-09-11T19:56:00.001-05:00

A good friend posted this video on Facebook. It brought tears to my eyes.

Not only do I love this song (an excellent sing-at-the-top-of-your-lungs-with-the-windows-rolled-down-going-80-down-the-freeway kind of song), but I think it captures the special feeling that being in New York City gives you - that anything can happen, that magic is just around the next block, that great things are coming your way. It's been years since I've been back to the Big Apple (2007? Rachel?), but I still think it's one of my favorite places in the whole world.

This afternoon, I came home from a church meeting to find my mother watching one of many 9/11 television specials. This one was on the History Channel: 102 Minutes That Changed America. It chronicled the events of 9/11 in real time, taken entirely from the footage of the witnesses of that horrific morning. What struck me most was that while masses of civilians were moving away from the burning towers, the firefighters and first responders were moving towards the burning towers. As the time drew nearer for the collapse of the South Tower, they showed the men on the ground communicating with the firefighters inside the towers who were on the upper levels of the Towers, struggling to reach the trapped civilians. For me to know that they didn't know that they would soon leave this world broke my heart all over again.

And when I think of the passengers on United Flight 93, it's hard for me to control my emotions. True bravery. True heroism.

I've said it before, but I'll say it again - I truly believe that those brave men and women who lost and gave their lives that day have a special place awarded them in heaven, as do all who give their life for the causes of liberty, justice and freedom.

Never forget. Forever grateful.

pressure...

2011-09-10T10:48:00.001-05:00

once again, it's saturday. once again, i'm tired beyond belief. only this time, my tiredness is coupled with an achy body, a soar throat, a stuffed-up nose and a massive headache. ugh. i usually pride myself on never getting sick. looks like my winning streak is at an end.

this was an interesting week. i'm starting to fall into a nice rhythm with the kids and i think we are starting to have fun, and maybe even learn some things along the way. almost all of my classes are done with the first unit of study, which means we get to move on to something new this coming week. hallelujah. i think my seniors were going to stage a mutiny if we didn't finish with renaissance and enlightenment poetry soon. i'm also finally getting a handle on the speed and pacing of my lessons. we have 50-minute classes, and as much as i want to steamroll our way through the material, the students need more time to process and apply the information. there are still days when i feel like i'm in a blasting zone (bomb! bomb! bomb!), but it's getting better. they are great kids - some more motivated than others - but i've learned that as a teacher you can't take anything personal. some of these students come from rough, rough, rough personal backgrounds, so the fact that they are even there in class is a small miracle.

what made this week so interesting, though, is that i had my first official breakdown. not during school or in front of the kids, but after school in the evening when the full weight of my responsibility as a teacher finally hit me with the force of a bullet train. it wasn't pretty. but then, a very clear message of inspiration and hope:

"And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.

And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage." (The Book of Mormon, Mosiah: 24:12-16)

it was a tender mercy from the lord, reminding me that help will come from heaven as i deal with the pressures of my responsibilities as a teacher.

and now, i must go deal with the pressure in my head by consuming as many drugs as recommended.

happy weekend.

saturday is a special day...

2011-09-03T10:21:00.001-05:00

i've always loved the weekends. but now i really, really love the weekends.

i slept until 8:30 this morning. i made my bed. i'm actually blogging. i'm going to go run for an hour. mom and i are going to a movie later today. i might stop in at barnes. i might go grocery shopping or do some laundry. heck, i might even take out the trash or pay some bills.

i don't get to do any of the above during the week. there's no time when you wake up at 6:00 am, leave the house at 7:00 am, don't get home until 7:30 pm, work some more until 11:30 pm, and then finally fall to sleep exhausted at midnight. wash, rinse, repeat x5 days a week.

i was looking through some old pictures this mornings, remembering when i actually had a life, went out and did fun things with friends. but now i seem to be even more anti-social than ever. not that i object to going out and having fun.... but i'm just so tired all. the. time. i really need to learn out how to balance work and home (i realize as i write this that i sound so adult-ish - "balancing work and home" - ugh). i've yet to figure out how to work at work and then relax and have a life at home because as it is right now, i work at work and then work some more at home. which means simple things like eating, exercising, sleeping, grocery shopping, washing clothes, and remembering to breathe are simply not on the day's agenda. it's exhausting. i love it, but it's exhausting.

i am now understanding why so many teachers call it quits after their first year = complete and total burn-out. they physically can't make it through another school year. not that i am anywhere near that point, but i can see how it happens.

ahhh, the life of a working woman.

sooooo.... this post started out in one direction and then took a turn somewhere, and now i'm not really sure where it's headed, so i better stop before things get too crazy.

happy labor day weekend, y'all.

proof that i used to be fun to be around...

The First Week: Reflections & Musings

2011-08-28T23:11:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to say in this post - not just for the five people who actually read this blog, but more for myself. This past week has been a lot to process. Consequently, I'm still processing and it has now taken me all weekend-long to finally finish this post.

Here it goes. I apologize in advance for the incoherent ramblings.

My wonderful professors at UT prepared me for my first year of teaching, but they didn't really prepare me. My semester of student teaching prepared me for my first year of teaching, but it didn't really prepare me. I don't think anything can really prepare you until you find yourself in your brand-new first-day-of-school outfit, the echoes of the tardy bell still ringing in the air, standing in front of 25 adolescents, their expectant faces staring at you as if to say, What you got?.... and you just go. You just become the teacher.

At the end of that first day, I wanted to jump in a time-machine and re-do everything. Oh, man, I would have done everything differently. Now that I know the students a little better, I know exactly how I would have handled things, how I would have approached introductions, classroom rules, seating assignments. But there is no re-do button. There is only the next day. And the day after that.

One of the most challenging things about my particular job is that instead of teaching the same one or two classes multiple times each day, I teach four different classes every single day (and facilitate three different online courses). Which means I don't have the luxury of improving the same lesson throughout the day. Instead, I teach it once and then we move on. (Or rather, I teach it once, everyone is confused, and then I try teaching the same material again, only with less confusion.) My first few days, though - everything felt like a bomb. English 3? Bomb. English 4? Bomb. Spanish 1? Bomb. English 2? Bomb. It was like walking through a minefield while wearing a huge magnet strapped across my chest - explosions going off all over the place. But every class period I dusted off the shrapnel left behind from the previous lesson and started again.

I love the students. Sure, there are a few trouble-makers and rabble-rousers. But on the whole, they are good kids. Some even want to learn. Amazing, I know. I have one student in particular who came to me after school on Friday. The student wanted to know if we could set up regular tutorials for Spanish. I said of course. The student warned that I would probably get really tired of helping them, to which I replied: "Hey - this is why I'm a teacher. I want to help you." The student left with a smile. And so did I.

The hardest thing right now is wrapping my head around all of the little things I have to stay on top of. (It should come as no surprise that it is really bothering me that I ended that sentence with a preposition. I suppose I could say "all of the little things on which I have to stay on top" but that would just sound pretentious. Anyways.) Grades. Technology. Readings. Trainings. TEKS. Standards-Based Bulletin Boards. A-1 vs. Traditional students. Dual Credit English students. Senior Capstone Research Paper. Spanish Certification. Oh, yeah. And Lesson Plans.

Funny thing about lesson plans. I have a general, vague outline of what this semester will be like. I have a slightly less vague idea of what the next six-weeks will be like. I know what all of my classes are doing tomorrow, and maybe even the day following. But after that, the plans go back to being general, vague outlines. I know where we are heading - the ultimate destination - but right now I have no idea how we are going to get there. Maybe by plane. Maybe by train. Or we could be jumping in our canoes and paddling upstream. Hope the students don't mind getting a little wet.

Coming home after that first day, I felt like I had been run over by a Mack-10 truck. As soon as I walked in the door, I yelled out to mom: "Do we have any pizza or ice cream in the house?!" The answer, sadly was no. For the first three days I stayed at school until at least 7:00pm, sometimes later, working on lesson plans, organizing materials, making lists. On Friday, though, I only stayed until 5:00pm. That night I got take-out from Cheesecake Factory: a Monterrey Burger, fries and a slice of Chocolate-Chip Cookie Dough Cheesecake. Food has never tasted so good. Of course, I woke up the next morning (after 10 glorious hours of sleep!) with a stomach-ache and a sugar hang-over. We probably won't be doing that again for a while.

I think this Reflection/Musing has gone on long enough. No doubt, I will have plenty more to ponder and process after Week 2. That is, if I make it to the end of Week 2. But for right now, my only hope is that I make it until the end of tomorrow.

Day to day, my friends. I am living day to day. Sometimes class period to class period.

But when I see those expectant faces tomorrow, staring at me as if to say, What you got?... I will stare right back at them and say, "BOOM! I'm the teacher! That's what I got! Now get ready to learn and love it!"

GP & JS: Was that introspective enough? Do I get my 10 points? :)

this could be the semester...

2011-08-22T21:58:00.000-05:00

the summer is officially over. it's the night before the first day of school. and i'm feeling a little jittery.

i think my life will always be organized by school semesters. it's how i've measured time for the better part of 2 decades.

part of me wants to throw up. another part of me wants to curl into a ball and cry. and there's another part of me that is telling the other parts to cowgirl up and git 'er done.

i had meant for this post to be a longer reflection about the long and unexpected journey that has led me to this exact moment in my life. it was going to be so deep and moving. seriously, you probably would have cried.

but it's almost 10:00pm. first period starts at 8:25 am. this girl has got to get her behind into bed.

because guess what? i'm the teacher. i kind of have to be there before everyone else.

wish me luck. say a little prayer for me. and most all, think of the children. they have no idea how much fun this going to be.

and in the immortal words of mary randall: "this could be the semester."

POW: "Saved by the Bell"

2011-08-22T18:33:00.001-05:00

Playlist for the first day of school. Listen and love.

Hello, Martin Solveig & Dragonette
Lights (Bassnectar Remix), Ellie Goulding
Keep Your Head Up, Andy Grammer
The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie, Red Hot Chili Peppers
What You Want, Evanescence
See Me Smiling, Yellowcard
We Used to Wait, Arcade Fire
Lost In My Mind, The Head and the Heart
She's Long Gone, The Black Keys
Not Over You, Gavin DeGraw
Lady In Spain, Ingrid Michaelson
By Your Side, Lifehouse
Slip Inside (The Barrel of Your Gun), There For Tomorrow
Nothing, The Script
Pray Tell, Anberlin
Hurricane, Panic! At the Disco
Hot Summer Night, Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
Redemption In the Verse, Go Radio
Game On, District 78

Extended Family

2011-08-14T22:35:00.001-05:00

I love my extended family. I love it when they live nearby. I love it when we get together and chat. I love it when we get together for family dinners.

My cousin John and his wife Debbie are awesome. Their three little kiddos are awesome.

Debbie made dinner tonight. It was amazing. I'll be dreaming about that sopapilla cheesecake for days.

What do you call the children of your first cousin? Second cousins? Nephews and nieces once removed?

Ridiculously adorable? New favorite little people?

Anyways. Dinner was fabulous and the company was even better. Love y'all :)

do i make this car look good?

2011-08-11T22:15:00.002-05:00

leona and i have had an interesting three years. lots of road trips and lots of scenic drives. lots of laughter and lots of smiles. all of the good times, though, are somewhat overshadowed by a very unpleasant experience (probably the most unpleasant experience of my life). even though the story had a mostly happy ending, i will always associate my lovely leona with that painful time.

which is why i am rather excited that her 3-year lease is almost up, which means that it's time for a new vehicular partner in crime. dad and i went to the toyota dealership tonight to ask questions about leasing a 2012 tacoma. we asked our questions, talked numbers and then left to think things over. as we walked out, dad mentions that for the amount i would be paying for a monthly lease for a tacoma, i could probably get into a nice sedan for even less. just something to consider.

so what did we do? we went next door to the lexus* dealership. bad idea.

i think i'm in love. i'm pretty sure i'm way too sensible to get a convertible at this point in my life, but you better believe that my dreams tonight will feature me behind the wheel of a matador red IS, top-down, wind in my hair, something fabulous rockin' through the stereos, goin' 80 down an open freeway right next to the ocean. sigh. like i said, bad idea.

give me a couple of days, though, and i'll forget all about the luxuriousness of leather interior and fall back in love with my tacoma. or rather, i hope i do. mmmm. leather interior...

*i feel the need to state that a vehicle from lexus is not necessarily in my budget. it's just a lovely, wouldn't-that-be-awesome, someday dream.

an insta-taste of things to come...

2011-08-08T21:05:00.000-05:00

i am swimming in teacher trainings, lesson plans and classroom decorations right now. when i am able to come up for air this weekend, i'll post stories and pictures of my exciting adventures in san diego for the con and my trip to george for grandma's 90th birthday.

(san diego)

(st. george)

POW: "Life of Saturdays"

2011-08-05T07:36:00.002-05:00

I made this playlist sometime last month before the job offer. While I loved my life, the never-ending days of having nothing to do was starting to get to me. Don't get me wrong - not having to work is great, but only in small doses. When every single day of your life is a Saturday, it gets really old, really fast. I am so grateful to have a full-time job, even more grateful that the job is something that I love.

As much as I love teaching, though, I think I might love music even more. Did you not know that? It's true. I love music. It's my life's blood. I sure hope my students are ready for daily doses of alternative rock, classical, pop, country, instrumental soundtracks, folk rock and the occasional musical. Maybe some dance parties, too.

Listen and love.

Turn to Stone, Ingrid Michaelson - beautiful song
Slumber, Needtobreathe - love, love, love
Put It In a Love Song, Alicia Keys fest. Beyonce
Get Around This, SafetySuit - love this band, new album out in October
Up All Night, Blink-182 - can't believe these guys are still making (awesome) music
Poison & Wine, The Civil Wars
Skyscraper, Demi Lovato - kind of ashamed that I like this song
Fade Into Me, David Cook
I Got You, Leona Lewis
Blow, Ke$ha - more shame
If It Means a Lot to You, A Day to Remember
Belong, Cary Brothers
The Best Thing I Never Had, Beyonce
If Not Now, When?, Incubus - I will always love this band, soundtrack of my high school years
The Joyride, There For Tomorrow
Every Teardrop is a Waterfall, Coldplay
With Every Heartbeat (Acoustic Version), Robyn - love her voice and emotion
Coming Home, Diddy feat. Dirty Money & Skylar Grey
Rolling In the Deep (Live), Linkin Park - awesome cover of Adele's song
Won't Back Down, Eminem feat. Pink - this song has one too many bleeps for my taste, so I usually only listen until the first chorus

Funny Sidebar: I was at a training earlier this week, and during a break the presenter put on music. Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody came on, and of course I started rockin' out. He comes over to me and asks:

"How old are you?"

"Ummm, 29."

"And you know this song?"

"Of course! Half of our family videos are of my two older sisters and I, decked out in leotards and leggings, dancing to Whitney in the living room. This is the sound of my childhood."

"Whoa. I'm impressed."

Next song that came on: Fine Young Cannibals' She Drives Me Crazy. The one after that? We Built This City by Starship. We Built This City is our family's official theme song. I had to restrain myself from jumping up and giving the room full of teachers an impromptu lip-sync performance. Again, the presenter was extremely impressed with my familiarity of 80's classics. He might have called them "older songs." I simply call them the soundtrack of my life.

overwhelmed

2011-07-28T10:44:00.000-05:00

had a great time at the con in san diego with sister julie.
pictures and recap to follow soon.

went to a technology training on tuesday for school.
realized that i am essentially teaching 6 different classes.
also realized that my students will be starting the courses at either first or second semester.
that's potentially 12 different starting points.

the new school year starts in t-minus 25 days.
i'm feeling a little overwhelmed.

happy, but overwhelmed.

Ragnar: Run. Drive. Sleep? Repeat.

2011-07-17T23:13:00.001-05:00

(I know it's taken me ~~3 weeks~~ a month to post these pictures... but life just seems to get in the way of even the most well-intentioned to-do-lists.)
(I apologize in advance for what will quite possibly be the longest post you will ever read.)

RAGNAR RELAY WASATCH BACK: A PHOTO ESSAY

So here's how it works. Over the course of 2 days, 12 Runners run 190 miles, each Runner running 3 legs of the race. Runners 1-6 are in Van 1 and Runners 7-12 are in Van 2. Once a Runner sets out, the Van follows and provides Support along the way - water, words of encouragement, etc. Since it is a relay, Runners handoff a "baton" in the form of a slap-bracelet at each Exchange. Once all the Runners in Van 1 have completed their legs, Van 2 Runners take over and Van 1 gets to rest for a while before it's their turn again. Repeat 3 times while living in the Vans, eating whatever is at hand, getting little to no sleep, and having the time of your life.

THURSDAY, JUNE 16

Instead of 15-passenger vans, our team rolled in style in a pair of black Lincoln Navigators.

Here I am negotiating for pizza from the boys. They were hogging all the pepperoni.

With all of our bags and supplies packed in the Navs, we drove from my sister's house in South Jordan to the starting point in Logan.
As you can see, I packed only the essentials: my Asics running shoes and Peanut M&Ms.

Repacking and decorating the Navs. We changed the team name to "On the Double" since our team was comprised of pairs: brothers, father/son, best friends, co-workers, father-in-law/son-in-law. Rachel was our designated window-writer. The numbers corresponded with the legs we were running. After completing a leg, I got a lot of satisfaction from crossing out my leg number.

FRIDAY, JUNE 17

And the race begins! Jason - Runner 1 - had a start-time of 5 am. Adding to the insanely early hour was record-low temperatures in Logan... 37 degrees! So while Van 1 was up before the crack of dawn, freezing their behinds off, Van 2 was able to sleep in before driving to Exchange 6, where Runner 6 would hand-off to Runner 7.

Exchange 6: Van 2 waits for Van 1 to arrive.

The thing about Ragnar... in between the crazy running, there's a whole lot of waiting and waiting and more waiting.

And Van 2 Runners take off!

One of the many brutal legs and Runner 10 rocked it! And see that long line of Vans? Yeah. 1,100 teams = 2,200 Vans = 13,200 Runners. Madness.

Father/Son Runners. They were Rock Stars.

Meeting up with Van 1 Runners for the next big Exchange.

With the first 12 legs run and done... the fun continues!

The Romney Runners

Oh. And it was my birthday. I turned *gulp* 29. Sister Jen kindly lent me her Birthday Girl tiara. It was a very rememberable day.

SATURDAY, JUNE 18
Van 2 had the majority of the middle-of-the-night runs - I started my second run (7.0 miles) at midnight! I only vaguely remember how we got from one Exchange to the next. At one point my entire body was tingling and itching and I couldn't decide if I was hungry or nauseous. One of my fellow Runners turned to me and said, "Um, I think you might be hypoglycemic. Eat some sugar." While in this delirious mental state I couldn't function well enough to remember to pull out the camera and snap photos of our nocturnal triumphs. But as the sun rose over the mountains, the camera came back out to document our second and final day of running.

Runner 6 (Brother Chris) sprints to the last Van 1/Van 2 Exchange.

Van 1 Runners have now run all their legs and Van 2 Runners are pumped to finish the race!

LAST EXCHANGE!!!

Team #219 ON THE DOUBLE crosses the finish line in Park City!!!

Friends from University of Arizona MBA program: Sister Kim and Katie T

Son-in-law/Father-in-law: Scott R and Scott B

Father/Son: Ron and Rory

Friends/Former Co-workers: Sister Jen and Sarah

Best Friends: Me and Rachel

Brothers: Brother Chris and Brother Jason

Much love to my fellow Van 2 Runners!

And to my Sibs: I'm so glad we did this together. Love you all whole bunches.

Hands-down the hardest thing I've ever done, physically. At times I felt like curling up in the fetal position and admitting defeat. During my last leg (5.9 miles) the mantra running through my head as I tried to keep running under the blazing sun: "I can do hard things. I can do hard things."
And guess what? I did.

RAGNAR, BABY!!!

kind of cool...

2011-07-13T21:20:00.001-05:00

the pioneer woman... have you heard of her? have you read her real-life whirlwind cowboy romance story? have you checked out her blog? she's kind of awesome. and i kind of want her life. but anyways.

the pioneer woman often hosts reader-submitted themed photo contests. this week's theme is mobile phone photos. since i like to snap pics on my iphone and run 'em through instagram, i thought i would submit a photo, just for fun.

guess what? she included my photo in her first group of reader submissions! (visit link here: scroll down, 23rd photo, submitted by "Katie, TX"... it's the same photo found at the top left of my blog header)

pretty cool, right? i thought it was cool... :)

(for julie: "do you think it's 'cause we're awesome? i think it's 'cause we're awesome.")

American Castles

2011-07-12T11:22:00.002-05:00

I would never dictate to someone how they should spend their hard-earned money (heaven knows I've made some ridiculously expensive purchases in my lifetime), but these homes are a little over-the-top, don't you think?

And yes, these are houses in my hometown.

Boom! I'm a teacher!

2011-07-08T23:42:00.001-05:00

Just this afternoon, as I was browsing around my favorite store on the planet (aka Barnes & Noble, aka The Mothership, aka My Place of Former Employment), I thought to myself, "Well, if all else fails and no one wants to hire me as a teacher for the coming school year, I guess I can always come back and work here for minimum wage... only if someone were to hide all the knives, scissors and other sharp objects in the house first."

I returned home, showed my purchases to my invalid mother, and as we were discussing dinner (pepperoni or hawaiian?), my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but answered anyway.

"This is Katie."

"Ummm, Catherine Rooomneee?"

"Yes, Romney. Katie Romney."

"Okay, this is so-and-so from Northwest ISD..."

At this point I literally could not understand what the man was saying. As my brain tried to decipher the meaning of his words, this is what I heard:

"Steele Accelerated High School.... Spanish certification.... a year to complete... first year teacher, right?.... starting salary... would you like to accept the position?"

"Ummm, yes..."

"Okay.... orientation... contact... next week... goodbye."

I stared at my phone as the call disconnected. Was I just offered a job? I think I was just offered a job. Did I say yes? I think I said yes. I have a job? I think I have a job. I HAVE A JOB!!!

Let me back-up. Three weeks ago I received an email from a principal in response to an application I had submitted for an English/Spanish teaching position. I am currently only certified to teach English, but I do have a background in Spanish, so I thought, why not apply? The principal and I traded emails back and forth and set up a time for an interview. The following week I interviewed with both the principal and the counselor. I thought it went really well - I was there for an hour and a half, and they seemed to like me.

I played the waiting game for the next two and a half weeks. KH, my wonderful cooperating teacher from student teaching, told me she was contacted for a reference. The principal and I traded emails again, making sure I had my transcripts from both BYU and UT submitted. More waiting. And then... today's phone call. And then...

BOOM! I'M A TEACHER.

So, friends and family, starting in the 2011-2012 school year, I will be teaching at Steele Accelerated High School as both an English and Spanish teacher. Steele has a really unique program. Only a year old, the school is just grades 10 - 12, and students must apply and be accepted. Last year they had about 80 students, this coming year they expect around 100. The school's curriculum is designed for students who want to get in and get out of their secondary education, so their only focus is academics - no athletics or extracurriculars/clubs. Their are only five teachers at Steele, each of which teaches at least two subjects. Which means that I will be the only English teacher for all three grade levels, plus a Spanish teacher (I have a year to complete my Spanish certification). Oy vey. That's a lot of preps....

To say that I'm excited is a bit of understatement. More like ecstatic. Jubilant. Over the moon.

And grateful. So grateful. To my Heavenly Father. To my professors, especially GP and JS, my facilitator MF, my cooperating teacher KH: THANK YOU. Thank you for teaching me and preparing me for this first year. Thank you for your advice, guidance and encouragement. And thank you, in advance, for helping me survive my first year of teaching... I have a feeling I'm gonna need all the help I can get!

Y para todos que vivan en Dallas y que hablen español… necesitaré un poquito de ayudo con el recordar y el practicar el idioma español. ¡Ay! ¿Qué he hecho….? Que loca que soy...

PTP: "Made in America"

2011-07-04T09:52:00.001-05:00

To all those who dedicate their lives to defend and protect this great nation and her freedoms:

Thank you. You are my heroes.

Happy 4th of July!!!

Listen and love :)

American Pie, Don McLean
It's America, Rodney Atkins
American Woman, Lenny Kravitz
America, Neil Diamond
American Made, Christian Kane
America's Suitehearts, Fall Out Boy
American Baby, Dave Matthews Band
All-American Girl, Carrie Underwood
American Classic, Franky X Perez
Miss America, Something Corporate
American Boy, Estelle feat. Kanye West
American Child, Phil Vassar
American Girls, Counting Crows
American Dream, Better Than Ezra
American Soldier, Toby Keith
Bleed American, Jimmy Eat World
American Girl, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Everyday American, Sugarland
Surf Wax America, Weezer
American Car, Mike Doughty
XXX's and OOO's (An American Girl), Trisha Yearwood
America, Simon & Garfunkel
Hollywood's Not America, Ferras
American Honky-Tonk Bar Association, Garth Brooks
Courtesy Of The Red, White and Blue (The Angry American), Toby Keith

Bonus Tracks:

Surfin' U.S.A., The Beach Boys
Party in the U.S.A., Miley Cyrus
Born in the U.S.A., Bruce Springsteen
God Bless the U.S.A., Lee Greenwood
The Star Spangled Banner, Whitney Houston (performed live on 1/27/91 at Super Bowl XXV)

"I Know That My Redeemer Lives"

2011-06-29T20:28:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I sang at the funeral service for a man whom I had never met, but through the eulogies and tributes given by his children and close friends, I know he was a great man. I was asked to sing an arrangement of an hymn entitled "I Know That My Redeemer Lives." I've sung this song on previous occasions, but it's been many years. Because I had not previously known the departed brother, I didn't expect to be overly emotional. But as soon as my lovely accompanist started playing the music, I could feel the tears swelling in my eyes. I half-sang/half-whispered the first line, surprised at my inability to compose myself. We paused, and as soon as I was able to find my voice, I started again. The third verse concludes with a very powerful message, especially for a funeral: "He lives to grant my daily breath, He lives and I shall conquer death, He lives my mansion to prepare, He lives to bring me safely there." Once again, I was surprised at how emotional I became. Trying to sing while at the same time fighting back a torrent of tears is not easy. I was only able to make it through the song by not looking at the family seated on the front row and trying my hardest to keep a big smile on my face. Sounds odd, I know, but a big smile was the only thing that prevented my lips from quavering and my voice from breaking. Somewhere in the middle of the song, I realized that the emotions I was feeling could only be partly explained by the fact that I was at a funeral. The real reason that I was finding it so hard to sing a song that I've sung so many times in my life was the fact that I was essentially bearing my testimony through music. It's a simple testimony, but a powerful one: I know that my Redeemer lives.

Now out of all the gifts and talents that heaven bestows upon us here in this life, I know that one of my gifts is the ability to sing. I am not athletic or particularly physically strong, I am not creative in the homemade crafts department, I am a disaster in the kitchen... but I can sing. I've always been able to sing and I'm grateful whenever I have the opportunity to share that talent with others. What has struck me most over the years, though, is that when I have been asked to sing, for example, during a Sunday worship service, more often than not I am struggling in some way. Maybe I haven't been reading my scriptures as consistently as I would like, maybe I've been letting my personal prayers become less personal, or maybe I'm just having a hard time with life in general. Whatever it's been, those are usually the times that I'm asked to sing in church, and the song that I sing is exactly the message that I need to hear. So my musical number becomes so much more than just a song. It becomes a reminder to me from heaven that He knows who I am and He is always there to comfort me, help me and guide me.

I am grateful for tender mercies and I am grateful that I have been blessed with the ability to share my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ through music.

insta-latelies...

2011-06-26T21:34:00.000-05:00

The Harry Potter Challenge

2011-06-25T20:47:00.002-05:00

Almost all of my siblings share my love of reading. I followed in my older sisters footsteps and devoured The Baby-sitters Club books way back when. Sister Julie and I bonded over Twilight. Brother Jason and I, though, we bonded over Harry Potter. I can still remember the two of us piling in my car and driving to Wal-mart in our pajamas, eagerly awaiting the stroke of midnight. With our newly-purchased books in hand, we raced back home to begin reading, getting upset if one of us read faster than the other. Some of my favorite memories of our younger selves include reading Harry Potter together.

Jason and I were talking on the phone a couple of days ago, sharing in our excitement of the upcoming release of the final Harry Potter movie (July 15!!!) and we both agreed that a kamikaze reading of all 7 novels and a viewing of all 7 movies is necessary preparation for the final installment of this epic series. So like any good sister/brother agreement, we turned it into a challenge.

The Harry Potter Challenge

Begins at 12:00 AM on Monday, June 27

Ends at 12:00 AM on Friday, July 15

Read all 7 Harry Potter novels: 4,100 pages

Watch all 7 Harry Potter films: 1,049 minutes (approx. 18 hours)

First person to read/watch all 7 novels/films wins eternal glory and endless bragging rights

As we were talking about our kamikaze challenge, Jason reminded me: "You know I do nothing all day, right?" At which point, I reminded him: "You know I do nothing all day, too, right?" So giving ourselves 3 weeks to complete this challenge is probably way too much time, but we are both committed. Jason, you are going down!

I extend the challenge to all Wizards and Muggles! Eternal glory and endless bragging rights - how can you say no to that?!

family pity party

2011-06-24T18:57:00.000-05:00

last night mom, dad and i were sitting around talking, and our talking turned into quite a funny little pity party.

mom: "i just had surgery and won't be able to walk for another three weeks!"

dad: "i just had my toenail ripped off and my foot hurts!"

me: "i'm supposed to be in london right now!!!"

i think i won.

Long Live the Bacon.

2011-06-23T18:58:00.001-05:00

I'm gonna call this one right now: the Footloose remake is going to be a disaster.

Watching the trailer, as my sister put it, leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Are they in the 80's? 90's? 2K? What is up with the music? And that dancing? Did they seriously remake it shot for shot?

I'm sorry, you just don't mess with a Kevin Bacon Original. You don't mess with such an iconic 80's movie. If you want a younger generation to appreciate the original... TELL THEM TO WATCH THE ORIGINAL.

Ugh. Now compare the above atrocity with the classic below.

Long Live the Bacon.

POW: "junebugs"

2011-06-23T08:04:00.000-05:00

I made this playlist a couple of weeks ago, but never posted it. I'm quite in love with all of these songs...

Listen and love.

Walk, Foo Fighters - this song was featured during the closing credits of Thor
Paris (Ooh La La), Grace Potter & The Nocturnals - a friend introduced me to this very talented lady and this song is rock-out fabulous
Keep The Car Running, Arcade Fire - still loving this band
Kiss Me Slowly, Parachute - a beautiful song about falling in love
Blow Me Away, Breaking Benjamin feat. Valora - a song BB originally wrote for the Halo 2 soundtrack, but now remixed with the vocal stylings of Valora
You Are a Tourist, Death Cab for Cutie - I feel like I'm just now discovering this band and I love everything I listen to
E.T., Katy Perry - still not sure how I feel about her... but I will admit she has some great running songs
This Is All Now, Taking Back Sunday - I don't know what it is about this band that makes all their music rock-out wonderful...
Your Surrender, Neon Trees - just found out that this band is from Provo, UT and all four members are LDS... awesome!
Monster, Paramore - first single since the much-publicized departure of founding band members the Farro Brothers, this song is also featured on the Transformers 3 soundtrack
The Truth Is, Go Radio - "on the list of everything I need there's air, but first there's you and me"
Don't Wanna Go Home, Jason Derulo - great party anthem :)
For You and Your Denial, Yellowcard - one of my all-time favorite bands, a great break-up song
Arms, Christina Perri - love her voice and her lyrics, a song about staying in love
Sleepyhead, Passion Pit - I actually can't stand this song, but it's annoyingly catchy
Steal Your Heart, Augustana - lead singer Dan Lynus has such a distinctive voice
Who Says, Selena Gomez & The Scene - for Sister Jen and Brother Jason...
Honey Bee, Blake Shelton - how adorable is this song?
Iridescent, Linkin Park - new single for the Transformers 3 soundtrack

birthdays/father's day

2011-06-22T21:33:00.000-05:00

since i was a little busy this weekend, i missed posting about 2 of my favorite people....

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY, JULIE!!!

(and happy 29th birthday to me, too!)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!

(just to be clear, 2 of my favorite people are sister julie and dad...)

"a serious conversation"

2011-06-22T10:32:00.000-05:00

well, folks, i did it. i ran (jogged/walked) 16.3 miles and didn't die. thank heaven for small miracles.

i will have a full ragnar report in a couple of days with pictures (lots and lots of pictures), but for right now just know that it was probably the most crazy and exhausting weekend of my life... and i loved every minute of it.

after our team finally crossed the finish line on saturday, got our medals and celebrated for a bit, i was riding in the shuttle back to our van and called home real quick to let mother know we had all survived. as we were talking she asked me if i was in the mood for "a serious conversation." when am i ever in the mood for a serious conversation? i asked her what this serious conversation was about and she said it was about travel plans. apparently "things have changed dramatically" since i had been in utah (her words, not mine). changed dramatically? i've only been gone for three days!?!? i told her i was not in the mood - i had just spent the past 48 hours living in a van, running to the point of exhaustion, with absolutely no sleep and very little real food.

the next day at my sister's house, as we were skyping with dad for father's day, i asked him if this "serious conversation" was about what i thought it was about... and he confirmed my suspicions. because of mom's need to have surgery on her foot, the london vacation is off. sadness...

so instead of frolicking around the united kingdom for the next three weeks, i will be home playing nursemaid to the invalid. and lest you mistake me for some heartless daughter, i say this with no trace of sarcasm - i'm happy to help out. it's the least i can do, what with my parents letting me house-sit for them free-of-charge. london will still be there whenever i'm able to plan my next trip. staying in dallas will allow me time to focus on applying for jobs, organizing the rest of the unpacked boxes and putting my life back together.

also, i'm thinking... fourth of july bbq & party? anyone?

ragnar: ...go!

2011-06-16T16:57:00.000-05:00

oh my heavens. this is happening.

everything that could go wrong has gone wrong this week. one of our runner's went to the emergency room for sunstroke. the t-shirt guy messed up the t-shirts. the van rental place ran out of vans. our perfectly timed schedule of arrivals and departures was shot to pieces. we went a tad bit over-budget on supplies. apparently you can't rent a luxury vehicle without a credit card.

sister jen, brother jason and i have had fun literally driving in circles all over the valley in the past 24 hours.

our response to every new upset: "oh, well. moving on."

we're leaving from jen's house in about an hour or so to drive up to logan, ut, where we will be staying the night at a motel. our team start time is 5 in the am... so it's imperative that we all get a good night's sleep tonight.

i have a feeling that i have no idea what i have gotten myself into. you better believe that i will be running (both literally and figuratively) on adrenaline and prayers.

stay tuned for the full report of all the sweat, (lack of) sleep and silliness!

a special shout-out to sister julie: tomorrow is our birthday and she is the only sibling not with us for this adventure. i love you, ju-ju-bee! can't wait for comic-con next month!

ragnar: get set...

2011-06-15T07:27:00.000-05:00

flying to utah today. which means ragnar is only 2 days away.

i spent almost 4 hours on monday making my running playlist... which is probably the most important part of this whole thing. if the music is not rock-out fabulous, then forget it. i simply cannot move my body without awesome music blaring in my ears. but no fear, after going through my entire itunes library (+17,500 songs), i settled on about 300 of my favorite workout songs, only to realize that my ipod shuffle will only hold about 140 songs. then began the excruciating process of deleting half of my list. talk about your sophie's choice.

so the music is taken care of. i still have to pack, run a few errands, double and triple check that i pack my running shoes, say a quick prayer, and then i'm leavin' on a jet plane.

even more then this running madness i've agreed to participate in, i'm excited to spend time with sisters and brothers, with bf rachel.... and enjoy as many bajio's chicken green chile salads as humanly possible.

oh, and it's my birthday on friday. happy day to me :)

happy birthday, brother :)

2011-06-11T11:55:00.001-05:00

this is my brother chris. he's kind of awesome. and today is his birthday.

somehow the christmas pics never got posted... but these are some of my favorites. chris really likes ~~receiving~~ giving presents.

the many reasons why i love my brother...

happy birthday brother! i love you!

(and a bonus! from last thanksgiving, chris shows off his talents after the turkey run.)

ragnar: get ready...

2011-06-09T22:28:00.000-05:00

we are only one week away from ragnar. has it really been a year since i first started talking about this?

my run this morning just about killed me, partly due to the 10-in-the-morning heat (granted, not as bad as 2-in-the-afternoon heat, but still pretty brutal). when i first agreed to this madness, i had grand plans of being faster than i am right now, losing x-amount of weight, yadda, yadda, yadda... but life got in the way.

i'm not going to lie - i'm a little nervous about this whole thing. the three legs of the race that i'm running total 16.3 miles: 3.4 mi + 7.0 mi + 5.9 mi. The first leg shouldn't be too bad, it's basically a 5k. The second leg will be the most difficult because it's all downhill, a -870 ft in elevation. and i can only imagine that i will be completely exhausted and delirious by the third leg. as i've told some of my teammates - i might be crawling across the finish line, but i will finish.

oy vey. wish me luck.

My 5 Food Groups

2011-06-08T20:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday a friend asked me if I liked ice cream. My response: "It's one of my favorite food groups."

And today, as I was driving around, running errands, I had a box of Cheez-its to keep me company. My thought as I munched away: "I. Love. Cheese."

So I did a little more thinking... and then asked myself, "If I were ruler of the universe, and nutritional value and calories didn't factor into physical health and well-being, what would be my 5 main food groups?"

More thinking... and then I made my final decisions.

My 5 Food Groups

1. Ice Cream
2. Cheese
3. Pasta
4. Bajio's Chicken Green Chile Salad
5. Peanut M&Ms

So, if you were ruler of the universe and didn't have to worry about nutrition... what would be your 5 main food groups?

a girl and her camera

2011-06-07T12:09:00.000-05:00

in another life, i would have been either an interior decorator or a professional photographer.

i really love taking pictures and i also love to pretend that i know what i'm doing with a camera in my hands.

last week i bought a canon eos rebel t3. am expensive purchase, to be sure, but one i've been wanting to make for some time now. i am unbelievably excited to figure out all the different features (aperture? shutter speed?) and learn how to take better pictures.

until then, i'll keep pretending.

(a pretty flower, our dr. seuss tree, and trying out the zoom lens on my lladros)

(bailey baby is my only available subject right now... and a reluctant one at that.)

(instead of unpacking and organizing my study... hey! a giant mirror!)

my instalife...

2011-06-04T23:26:00.000-05:00

(instagram @ktromney)

fun with jason!

2011-06-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

jason - one of my favorite brothers - hung around in austin after graduation to help with the big move. i don't know what i would have done without him. he cheerfully did all of the heavy lifting and provided me with some much needed comic relief.

jason and i get along really well. love him whole bunches.

(deflating my exercise ball)

(sonic happy hour and discovering baconnaise at kroger's)

(we went to kung fu panda 2 last friday - so, so funny! just as awesome as the first movie, i highly recommend it for all ages.)

(rangers v. royals - a beautiful night at the ballpark. also helped by the fact that the rangers won 10-1.)

thank you, thank you, jason, for helping me move, for making me laugh and for being my brother.

mental marathons

2011-06-04T22:44:00.000-05:00

this past week i went to a church worship service with a friend who was visiting from austin. during the service it's important to pay attention to the words of the presentation. however, that night i was finding it extremely hard to focus and concentrate on what was happening in front of me. instead my mind was running mental marathons, jumping from one topic to the next. i think i ran the gamut of every conceivable topic. by the end of the service i was mentally and emotionally exhausted.

i realized that i spend so much of my day with some kind of background noise - music, a movie, a tv show. when i run, while i get ready for the day, in the car, at home, when i get ready for bed - there's always some type of noise to distract me from my thoughts. so when i'm in a situation where i have nothing else to occupy my mind, when all is still and quiet, all of the worries and stresses that i've ignored during the day come rushing to the forefront.

new daily goal: sit quietly for at least 5 minutes with no distractions in order to organize thoughts and eventually achieve inner peace.

mutant and proud

2011-06-04T00:09:00.000-05:00

went out with a new friend tonight to see x-men: first class.

now, back in the day, the first 2 x-men movies were among my favorites.

the third movie was a huge disappointment, and i never got around to seeing the one about wolverine.

this new movie did not disappointment. and if i were you, i would make time to get around to seeing it. totally worth the price of admission.

my new friend and i loved it. great cast, great story, great effects.

and our favorite part? the delicious, the handsome, the oh-so-attractive michael fassbender. so smooth and dreamy.

seriously. where has this man been all my movie-lovin' life?

miss you.

2011-05-31T12:50:00.000-05:00

dear blog:

it's been a busy couple of weeks, which means i've neglected you. please forgive me. i didn't realize how much i enjoyed spending time with you until i didn't. it has just occurred to me that i need to visit with you on a regular (ie: daily) basis in order to organize my thoughts, document important events, remember funny stories, and maintain an acceptable level of sanity.

unfortunately, i'm still really busy - half of my life is still packed away in boxes, searching for full-time employment is slowly sending me over the edge, the to-do list is turning into a to-do epistle, it's crunch time for ragnar training... and you know how much i love you, "but i've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and guilder to frame for it. i'm swamped!"

so, my dearest blog, please know that you are always in my thoughts. just the other day, jason and i were having a hilarious conversation about which sibling is the most high maintenance - i vehemently denied being high maintenance, he not-so-respectfully disagreed... at which point he came up with a scale of where each sibling fit according to the level of maintenance required (sorry, jen, you were quite high on the scale) - and i thought to myself, "the blog would love this story!" but then life got in the way and i never got around to telling you about the conversation and adding my own philosophical opinions on the matter. i might still tell you all about it, but not right now. i've really got to go and do... stuff. lots and lots of stuff.

miss you,
the blogger

losing my ability to function

2011-05-25T00:21:00.000-05:00

everybody just calm down. i'm still alive.

graduation was great. pictures to follow shortly.

spending quality time with brother jason. he is quite possibly the world's most stressed-out mavericks fan.

entire life being packed into boxes. boxes make me crazy.

i have no kitchen. eating out every meal is no fun.

losing my ability to function. be back soon.

Master Kimmy

2011-05-16T22:00:00.001-05:00

Headed to Tucson last weekend for sister Kim's MBA graduation from the Eller College of Management at The University of Arizona. We missed not having the Moore Family with us, but we had a fun weekend in the desert. Congratulations, Kim! Now we have 3 masters in the family!

(preparing a scrumptious family dinner - lemon chicken, pine nut couscous, steamed vegetable medley... and monkey bread! recipes from the barefoot contessa - "is the contessa still barefoot? can't she afford a pair of shoes by now?" - i thought this was a brilliant joke. no one else laughed.)

(on saturday morning we went on a 4.5 mile hike in the sabino canyon. we quickly learned that kim's definition of "flat" is slightly skewed. a few blisters, bruises, scrapes and sunburns, but the beautiful desert landscape made the whole adventure worth it.)

(the graduation/hooding ceremony... you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.)

(master kimmy and her master buddies!)