bottled rage.

disclaimer: i love being a teacher.  and i love my students; i think they are all wonderful.  but it's just been one of those days...

i have come to the conclusion that teachers are some of the greatest actors in the world.  we can fake happiness when we are sad.  we can fake organized when we are discombobulated.  we can fake energy when we are exhausted.  and we can fake calm and controlled when we have a hurricane of emotion brewing inside of us.

this is the second day in a row that i've driven home from work with a massive headache due to the uncontrollable rage i have bottled up inside of me.  it's the hardest part of working with teenagers: having to hold your tongue and be the bigger person when a student decides to be unbelievably disrespectful and disruptive.  i have only felt this way maybe 3 or 4 times this entire school year, and 2 of those times were yesterday and today.

having to just stand there while a student shows levels of rudeness and insubordination previously undiscovered by man and not be able to respond in kind is frustrating, embarrassing, and did i mention frustrating?  my head and heart pound, my face flushes, my entire body trembles.  it's one of the most unpleasant emotions i've ever experienced.  and all i can do is stand there and calmly remind the student of the consequences should he or she choose to continue in this manner.

after each confrontation, i don't know whether i want to scream or cry.  today, i really wanted to cry. and scream.  or, to be more precise, cry while screaming.  but i neither cried nor screamed.

instead, i put a smile on my face and taught my next class.  like a boss.